How to identify a homosexual person: 3 secrets to understanding their sexual orientation.

Understanding someone's sexual orientation is a private matter, but sometimes you want to know for dating reasons or to support them as a friend. It's natural to feel confused or anxious about finding out. You can't just guess based on appearances, but you can observe some subtle signs. If you want to be sure, the only way is to have a direct, tactful, and respectful conversation. When you're interested in someone, start by inviting them out as friends to get to know them better.

Tip 1: How to observe behavior to understand if a loved one is LGBT+

Step 1: How to identify homosexuals through the way they comment on others.

• Pay attention to how they comment on other people's appearances. Gay/queer people are often more observant and compliment those of the same gender.

• Listen to see whether they tend to focus their comments on men or women when talking about other people.

• Consider the content of the comments: what do they say about other people's appearance, clothing, or style?

• For example, a male friend might say, "Did you see his abs?" or "He looks great in that suit."

• Note: Judging solely by how they compliment others is not enough to conclude that they are gay.

Step 2: Look at past relationships and emotions to identify sexual orientation.

• Consider their past relationships and crushes to understand their sexual orientation.

• A person may be gay, bisexual, or pansexual, but not yet ready to come out.

• Conversely, showing interest in the opposite sex is often a sign that they are attracted to the opposite sex.

• Observe who they usually date, who they've liked in the past, and which gender they often compliment.

• For example, a guy who likes dating girls is usually straight, but he could also be bisexual or pansexual.

Step 3: Pay attention to how they use pronouns when talking about their date.

• Listen to see if they use "they" (they/them) when referring to their date or crush.

• If dating someone of the same sex, they may use gender-neutral pronouns to avoid others recognizing their sexual orientation.

• For example: "My date last night went pretty well. They were very interesting, hopefully they'll agree to a second date."

• Note: They might use "they" because it's their preferred pronoun. Don't jump to conclusions; you can only be sure after a direct conversation.

Step 4: Pay attention if they rarely talk about romantic relationships.

• Someone who is "hiding" their sexual orientation may find it difficult to share about their romantic relationships.

• They may worry about others realizing they are gay or may not be ready to come out.

• Start by sharing about your own dating life, then ask about them.

• For example: "I've recently been dating a guy and the relationship looks promising. How about your dating life?"

• Note: Their reluctance to share does not mean they are gay; please respect their boundaries.

Step 5: Don't guess sexual orientation based on appearance, style, or voice.

• The myth that you can identify same-sex individuals by their face, clothing, gait, or voice is completely false .

• Both gay and straight people can dress, wear makeup, or speak in the way they want.

• For example, a guy who paints his nails doesn't necessarily mean he's gay; a girl with short hair isn't necessarily a lesbian.

• Whether a voice is high or low does not indicate sexual orientation.

• In conclusion: It's always better to ask directly and respectfully , rather than relying on biases or stereotypes from the media.

Tip 2: How to have a tactful conversation to find out about sexual orientation

Step 1: Skillfully initiate a conversation about sexual orientation.

• Use books, movies, TV shows, or news related to LGBTQ+ to start a conversation.

• Share your positive perspective on the topic, then listen to their feedback.

• For example: “I really like Hayley Kiyoko’s new music video, 'Girls Like Girls.’ I even wore a rainbow bracelet today. What do you think of the music video?”

• Before asking, ask yourself why you want to know and what it means to you.

• Make sure your questions stem from openness, empathy, and a desire to connect, not from judgment.

Step 2: Show support for the LGBTQ+ community

• If you belong to the LGBTQ+ community, be proud and share about your sexual orientation openly.

• If you are an ally, please state clearly that you support the LGBTQ+ community.

• Observe their reactions to understand whether they are comfortable sharing or not.

• For example:

  • "I came out to my family last year. It was difficult, but now I'm proud of myself and happy to be able to live authentically."

  • "I think everyone should feel accepted, so I support the LGBTQ+ community. Together, we can create positive change."

Step 3: Ask directly when they are comfortable.

• If the person seems interested in LGBTQ+ topics, you can ask them directly about their sexual orientation.

• Ask briefly and directly, but respect their response, even if they don't want to answer.

• For example:

  • Have you ever wondered about your sexual orientation?

  • "Do you identify as gay/queer?"

Step 4: Respect them when they come out on their own.

• Let the person decide when and how they want to share their sexual orientation.

• If they don't want to disclose it, you should respect that and not force them.

• If they trust you enough to share something with you, keep it confidential; let them decide who knows.

• If someone asks about their sexual orientation, you could reply, "If you want to know, why don't you ask them directly?"

Step 5: Don't ask other people about their sexual orientation.

• Whether you're worried or curious, you shouldn't discuss their sexual orientation with others.

• This could create false rumors and hurt them.

• For example: Don't ask: "Do you think Todd is gay?"

• Respect privacy and keep your information to yourself.

Tip 3: How to subtly invite a friend you suspect is gay out.

Step 1: Invite them out as friends if you want to get to know them for dating.

• If you're interested in dating, start by asking them out as friends .

• This is a good way to understand them better and assess whether they are open to dating.

• The invitation should be simple, friendly, and suggest a specific activity.

• For example:

  • Would you like to play mini-golf this weekend?

  • "I heard you like live music. Would you like to go see a local band with me?"

Step 2: Get to know them better by spending time together.

• Invite them to participate in activities together to increase the chances of getting to know them better.

• Regularly text or call to build a relationship.

• When talking, be open about your sexual orientation and listen to what they say about you.

• Suggested activities: going out for dinner, watching a movie, playing bowling, etc.

• For example: "I knew I liked girls since I was 12 and I used to have a crush on a girl in my dance class. Have you ever had a crush on anyone?"

Step 3: Gently flirt after getting to know them.

• Once you've gotten to know them better, start with small compliments to see how they react.

• If they respond positively, you could try calling them by a cute nickname and observe their reaction.

• Gradually, you can get closer physically, but always respect their boundaries .

• For example:

  • "You look great today! That shirt suits you perfectly."

  • "Every time I see you walk into the room, all I can do is smile."

• Warning: If they become stiff, withdraw, or hug themselves, stop immediately.

Step 4: Ask them out on a date when you feel they are open to it.

• After getting to know them well, observe if they seem willing to date you.

• If there are positive signs, gently and respectfully invite them on a date.

• You can invite them in person, send a text message, or do it through a romantic gesture.

• Examples of direct speech:

  • "I'm so happy to be with you! Would you like to go on a date? If not, that's okay, I'm still happy to be your friend."

• Example of a text message:

  • "It's been great getting to know you over the past few months. Would you like to try going on a date? If not, we can still play games as usual."

• For example, a romantic gesture: sending flowers with a note:

  • "Would you like to go on our first date? If so, send me a picture of flowers. If not, our friendship will remain the same."

Step 5: Confronting Rejection and Loving Yourself

• When you're rejected, remind yourself that you're still amazing and deserve to be loved.

• Celebrate yourself and spend time connecting with friends to boost your spirits.

• Heartbreak is normal, especially when you're interested in someone who isn't ready or you're interested in someone of the opposite sex.

• Don't be afraid to open your heart again: go out, meet new people, and you'll soon find someone right for you.

Respect and support your friends regardless of their sexual orientation.

• Sexual orientation is broad; they may not feel completely straight or LGBTQ+, and that's perfectly fine.

• Don't discriminate against them or change how you treat them based on their answers; they are still your familiar friends.

• They are not obligated to disclose their sexual orientation to you; please respect their needs and privacy.

• If you know they are gay, don't react too strongly; support them quietly and only share with others if it's truly for their benefit, not out of curiosity.

• Avoid turning every conversation into an LGBTQ+ topic; this can be stressful, especially if they are hiding it from friends or family.

• One should not judge based on voice, clothing, or behavior; these factors do not determine sexual orientation.

• If they share something with you, don't ask too many private questions; let them share as much as they can and feel comfortable with.

• Do not disclose your sexual orientation to others without their consent; doing so could be embarrassing or dangerous.

• Never try to change their sexual orientation or tell them it's wrong; if you care, respect them for who they are.

References

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201412/is-your-man-gay-straight-or-bisexual
2. https://www.healthyplace.com/gender/gay/how-do-i-know-if-i-am-gay-signs-you-are-gay
3. https://www.pride.com/comingout/2016/5/19/3-signs-your-friend-gay-and-wants-talk-about-it
4. https://familydoctor.org/homosexuality-facts-for-teens/
5. https://www.liveabout.com/is-he-gay-or-not-asking-a-guy-out-1411353
6. https://www.seventeen.com/love/a17223858/what-to-do-when-your-crush-out/
7. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/heal-rejection-5-steps-soothe-pain/

Translated by: Rowan Hudson Le .