How to cope with losing a loved one: 10 tips to help ease the pain

Each year, the world records approximately 60 million deaths, meaning hundreds of millions of people experience varying degrees of loss and grief. Whether it's losing a parent, partner, child, or a loved one, the pain can leave you feeling empty, disoriented, struggling to sleep, mentally depleted, and needing a significant amount of time to regain balance in life.

If you are looking for ways to overcome the pain of losing a loved one, learn how to deal with loss, and better understand the psychology of grief, this article will provide practical, easy-to-apply, and humanistic guidance. Tiptory believes that grief is not something to avoid, but a journey that needs to be understood. By correctly understanding the natural emotional reactions and knowing how to care for yourself, you will gradually heal, cherish beautiful memories, and find peace to continue living.

Part 1: How to overcome the pain of losing a loved one

Tip 1: How to accept feelings of grief

Understand that grief is a completely normal reaction

• When dealing with loss, feeling sad, empty, confused, or disoriented is a natural psychological reaction. According to the psychology of grief, each person will go through the process of adapting to loss at a different pace and in their own way.
• Don't blame yourself for not being strong immediately. Trying to force yourself to "get over it quickly" or "not cry" often only suppresses emotions and prolongs the recovery process.
• If you are looking for ways to overcome the pain of losing a loved one, start by accepting what you are feeling. Acknowledging emotions does not mean surrendering to pain, but it is the first step towards healthy healing.
• Allow yourself time to adjust to life after loss. There is no fixed timeline for the grieving process, as everyone has different circumstances, relationships, and coping abilities.

Recognize common emotions after losing a loved one

• Denial: You might feel like it didn't happen or find it hard to accept the truth. This is a psychological defense mechanism that helps the brain gradually adapt to the shock.
• Shock or emotional numbness: Some people might be unable to cry or show emotions in the first few days. This doesn't mean you didn't love the deceased.
• Bargaining or self-blame: You might constantly think: "If only I had done something differently" or "If I had been there that day, maybe things would have been different." These are common thoughts when people try to find explanations for loss.
• Regret: You might regret things you didn't say, didn't do, or conflicts that weren't resolved when your loved one was alive.
• Prolonged sadness (Depression): Feelings of loneliness, loss of interest in life, fatigue, or frequent crying are symptoms that can appear during the grieving process. If these symptoms last for several weeks or severely affect daily activities, you should seek support from a psychologist or doctor.
• Anger: You might feel angry at yourself, others, medical staff, circumstances, or even the deceased. This is also a common emotional reaction and doesn't make you a bad person.

Don't compare your healing process to others'

• According to studies on the psychology of grief, not everyone experiences emotions in the same order or with the same intensity. Some recover in a few months, while others need years to adapt.
• What matters is not how quickly you overcome it, but that you gradually learn to live with the memories, take care of your mental health, and slowly find balance. This is the solid foundation to overcome the pain of losing a loved one and continue life with more peace.

Tip 2: Allow yourself to express your emotions

Don't suppress emotions after losing a loved one

• When you first learn of a loved one's passing, you might feel pain, shock, or disbelief. This is a completely natural reaction when dealing with loss and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
• Instead of trying to hide your emotions, allow yourself to express them in a way that feels most comfortable. Releasing emotions is an important part of the process of overcoming the pain of losing a loved one.

Express emotions in a way that suits you

• You can cry if tears help relieve the pressure in your heart. Research shows that healthy emotional expression can help reduce stress and support the process of adapting to loss.
• If you're not ready to share with others, you can take time to sit quietly, reflect, pray, journal, or reminisce about beautiful memories of the deceased.
• When you feel the need to be heard, talk to family, friends, or someone you trust. Expressing your feelings often helps you feel lighter and less alone.

Don't think that crying is a sign of weakness

• According to the psychology of grief, crying is a normal emotional response to loss. Tears do not reflect weakness but are the body's and mind's way of releasing pent-up emotions.
• If you want to cry, allow yourself to cry. Trying to suppress emotions just to appear strong can prolong the pain or make it harder to resolve.

There is no "right way to grieve" for everyone

• Everyone experiences the journey of grief in their own way, depending on their personality, relationship with the deceased, and life circumstances. Some cry a lot, others express less emotion, and both are normal reactions.
• Don't compare yourself to others or force yourself to grieve in a specific way. What's important is to listen to your own emotions and choose appropriate, safe, and healthy ways to gradually deal with loss and find balance in life.

Tip 3: Cherish beautiful memories of the deceased

Remember your loved one with positive thoughts

• After losing a loved one, the mind often tends to focus on pain, regret, or unfinished business. However, actively remembering beautiful memories will help you deal with loss in a gentler and more positive way.
• Think about happy moments, funny stories, endearing habits, or the values that person brought to their family and those around them. These memories can become a source of motivation to help you gradually overcome the pain of losing a loved one.

Share meaningful memories with others

• Talking with family or friends about memorable moments is a way to keep the love and bond with the deceased alive.
• You can also look at photos, journal, keep stories, or revisit important milestones in their life with loved ones. These activities help preserve memories in a positive way instead of just associating them with a sense of loss.

Cherish their life and the good things they left behind

• Instead of focusing only on their passing, take time to acknowledge the achievements, contributions, and positive influence your loved one created in life.
• Remembering them in this way does not diminish the value of your pain, but helps you see that their life still holds much meaning and continues to inspire those who remain.

A positive outlook can support the healing process

• Many studies in the psychology of grief show that how we perceive and process loss significantly impacts mental health in the years that follow. Cultivating gratitude and positive memories can help reduce the intensity of grief over time, while increasing the ability to adapt to life after loss.
• This does not mean you have to set aside sadness. Instead, let beautiful memories and love for the deceased go hand in hand with the healing process.

Understand healing after loss correctly

• As grief expert Marie José Dhaese once shared, healing is not forgetting the deceased. It is a journey of learning to remember them with less pain and more gratitude and love.
• When you can smile every time you recall beautiful memories, it is not a sign of forgetting, but proof that you are gradually learning to live with the memories and deal with loss more peacefully.

Tip 4: Take time to heal

Give yourself time to confront loss

• After losing a loved one, many people tend to fill their time with work, meetings, or continuous activities to avoid confronting their emotions. However, being overly busy does not make the pain disappear; it only temporarily covers it up.
• If you want to overcome the pain of losing a loved one, accept that the healing process takes time. No one can force themselves to recover in just a few days or weeks, especially when losing someone who held great significance in their life.

Take a quiet moment to listen to your own emotions

• Every day, allow yourself a quiet period to reflect, journal, pray, meditate, or simply sit with the emotions that are present.
• According to the psychology of grief, actively identifying and processing emotions helps the brain adapt better to loss, instead of continuously avoiding or suppressing them.
• Don't feel guilty if you need more rest or to reduce your workload during the initial phase. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health.

Don't use alcohol or stimulants to forget the pain

• Some people turn to alcohol, tobacco, or other stimulants hoping to numb their emotions. However, these are only temporary solutions and can make the process of dealing with loss more difficult.
• Studies show that abusing alcohol or addictive substances after a major life event can increase the risk of anxiety, depression, sleep disorders, and dependence on stimulants, thereby negatively impacting physical and mental health.
• If you feel the pain is too overwhelming or constantly urges you to turn to alcohol or stimulants to cope, share with family, friends, or seek support from a mental health professional. This is a safer and more effective way to overcome the pain of losing a loved one.

Be patient with your own recovery journey

• Healing does not happen in a straight line. There are days you feel better, but there are also days when sadness returns as you remember the deceased. That is completely normal.
• Focus on small steps each day. When you allow yourself enough time to feel, accept, and adapt, the process of dealing with loss will gradually become lighter, helping you find balance and continue life with more hope.

Tip 5: Share your feelings with loved ones

Don't suffer alone

• When facing loss, you don't have to bear every emotion alone. Sharing your thoughts, memories, and feelings with family or friends can help you feel understood and create an opportunity for everyone to support each other during a difficult time.
• According to the psychology of grief, support from loved ones is one of the important factors that helps reduce stress, increase adaptability, and support the process of overcoming the pain of losing a loved one.

Actively open up to people you trust

• If you find it difficult to start, choose someone with whom you feel safe sharing. You don't have to tell everything at once, just express what you are truly feeling.
• Trying to suppress emotions for a long time can make you feel isolated and create distance from those who want to be there and help you.

Recall beautiful memories together

• Talk about memorable experiences, happy stories, or meaningful moments with the deceased. This not only helps preserve their beautiful image but also brings comfort to those who share the loss.
• Looking at photos, rewatching videos, or retelling past stories together is also a way for the whole family to connect and heal after a tragedy.

Prepare the funeral or memorial service together

• If appropriate for the circumstances, work with family members to prepare the funeral, memorial service, or other rituals according to beliefs and traditions.
• Participating in this process can help you gradually accept reality and provide an opportunity to express love, gratitude, and respect for the deceased.

Speak up when you need to be heard

• If you're feeling overly sad, angry, or desperate, tell your loved ones that you just need someone to listen, instead of trying to solve everything on your own.
• You can simply share: "I miss them so much," "Today has been very difficult for me," or "I just want someone to sit with me for a while." These sincere words help others know how to support you.

Embrace support from loved ones

• The journey of overcoming the pain of losing a loved one doesn't mean you have to be strong alone. Allowing others to be there, listen, and share is also an important part of the healing process.
• According to the psychology of grief, connecting with family and community doesn't make the longing disappear, but it gives you more support to gradually face the loss and find peace in life again.

Tip 6: Write and create to heal

Express emotions through writing or art

• When facing loss, it can sometimes be very difficult to express emotions verbally. In such cases, writing or artistic activities can become a safe way to release pent-up thoughts and feelings.
• According to the psychology of grief, expressing emotions helps individuals identify, organize, and process painful experiences in a healthier way, rather than trying to suppress them.

Write down what you are feeling

• You don't have to write well or follow a template. Just write down your thoughts, feelings, or what you want to say to the deceased.
• You can keep a diary, write an unsent letter, record beautiful memories, or simply describe your feelings day by day. Over time, these writings will help you see positive changes in your journey of overcoming the pain of losing a loved one.

Use art to release emotions

• If you don't like to write, you can try painting, coloring, playing music, singing, crafting, or taking photos. The goal is not to create a beautiful work of art, but to give emotions a chance to be expressed.
• These creative activities help you focus on the present, reduce stress, and provide a mental break during a period of grief.

Don't worry about doing it right or wrong

• There are no rules about what you should write or how you should create. The important thing is that you feel lighter after completing it.
• Think of each diary entry, each brushstroke, or each piece of music as a way of conversing with yourself and with the memories of the deceased.

Make creativity a part of the recovery process

• Some surveys show that creative activities are not the first choice for many people when healing after loss. However, for many, writing or art brings a sense of relaxation, helping to temporarily reduce mental pressure and direct attention to more positive things.
• If you are looking for ways to overcome the pain of losing a loved one, try spending a few minutes each day writing or doing a creative activity you enjoy. According to the psychology of grief, consistently expressing emotions in a way that suits you can contribute to making the process of facing loss smoother and more sustainable.

Tip 7: Take care of your health while grieving

Pay attention to physical health during grief

• When facing loss, many people focus only on emotional pain and forget to take care of their bodies. However, physical and mental health are closely linked. Taking good care of your body will give you more energy to gradually overcome the pain of losing a loved one.
• According to many studies, prolonged stress due to grief can affect the immune system, sleep, cardiovascular health, and increase the risk of anxiety or depression. Therefore, maintaining healthy habits is an important part of the recovery process.

Eat adequately even if you've lost your appetite

• After a loss, you may lose your appetite or skip meals. However, your body still needs enough energy to function and recover.
• Prioritize balanced meals with greens, fruits, whole grains, protein-rich foods, and drink enough water. If you can't eat much, try breaking it into smaller meals for easier absorption.

Maintain light exercise daily

• You don't need intense workouts. Just walking, light cycling, yoga, or doing stretching exercises for 20–30 minutes a day can bring benefits.
• Physical activity helps the body release endorphins – neurotransmitters that improve mood, reduce stress, and support the process of facing loss.

Prioritize quality sleep

• Grief can make it difficult to sleep, cause restless sleep, or make you sleep more than usual. Even so, try to maintain a regular bedtime and wake-up time each day.
• Avoid caffeine, alcohol, or electronic devices right before bed. A quiet, dark, and cool environment will help you fall asleep more easily.

Listen to your body and rest when needed

• Feeling tired, lacking energy, or experiencing reduced motivation is common in the early stages of grief. Don't force yourself to function at the same intensity as before.
• Balance your time between work, rest, and self-care. Recovery happens not only in the mind but also requires support from a healthy body.

See self-care as part of the healing process

• According to the psychology of grief, maintaining healthy living habits doesn't mean you forget the deceased, but it enhances your ability to adapt to life after a traumatic event.
• Remember, self-care is not a sign that you love the deceased less. It's how you preserve yourself to have enough strength to continue the journey of overcoming the pain of losing a loved one with more peace and resilience.

Tip 8: Join a grief support group

Seek companionship from those with similar experiences

• When facing loss, you might feel like no one truly understands what you're going through. However, many people have been or are going through similar circumstances and can offer genuine empathy, listening, and sharing.
• According to the psychology of grief, connecting with others who share similar experiences helps reduce feelings of loneliness, increases adaptability, and supports the process of overcoming the pain of losing a loved one.

Find a support group that fits your situation

• Look for support groups at local hospitals, counseling centers, or community organizations. If in-person participation isn't feasible, you can also choose online support groups facilitated by experts or reputable organizations.
• Many groups are tailored for specific situations, such as those who have lost a spouse, parent, child, cancer caregivers, or families with members suffering from critical illnesses. Joining the right group will help you find empathy and suitable advice more easily.

Share when you are ready

• You don't have to tell your whole story on the first session. Just listening to others can also bring a sense of comfort and help you realize that the emotions you are experiencing are normal.
• When you feel enough trust, share your thoughts, memories, or difficulties. Being heard without judgment can help alleviate the mental burden.

Choose reliable sources of support

• Prioritize groups organized by hospitals, medical facilities, community organizations, non-profits, or mental health professionals. These environments often have clear rules, ensuring respect and confidentiality for participants.
• If participating in social media communities, choose groups with positive content, that are well-moderated, and avoid those that spread unsubstantiated information or make you feel more pessimistic.

Understand that you don't have to go through the pain alone

• The journey of overcoming the pain of losing a loved one does not necessarily have to be a solitary one. Receiving companionship from understanding individuals can help you find hope, learn healthy coping mechanisms, and gradually regain balance in life.
• According to the psychology of grief, community support cannot erase the loss, but it can become a strong foundation to help you face the loss with calmness, resilience, and more faith.

Tip 9: Seek professional help when the pain is too great

Don't hesitate to seek psychological professional support

• When facing loss, sadness is normal. However, if the pain is too intense, prolonged, and prevents you from studying, working, or maintaining daily activities, seeking help from a mental health professional is a necessary option.
• According to the psychology of grief, not everyone recovers in the same way or in the same amount of time. Some people need more professional support to gradually overcome the pain of losing a loved one safely and effectively.

Recognize when you should seek help

• Consider seeing a professional if you:
  • Experience intense sadness for a long time with no signs of improvement.
  • Have significant difficulties at work, school, or in daily life.
  • Constantly suffer from insomnia, exhaustion, or lose interest in activities you once enjoyed.
  • Feel isolated, hopeless, or don't know how to cope with your emotions.
• Seeking support early can help you prevent more serious mental health problems and improve your quality of life.

Professionals who can support you

• You can reach out to:
  • A psychiatrist for assessment and treatment when necessary.
  • A psychologist or psychotherapist for counseling, guidance on managing emotions, and adapting to loss.
  • A school counselor if you are a student facing difficulties after an event.
• These professionals are trained to listen, assess your condition, and develop a personalized support plan.

Seeking help is an act of strength

• Many people worry that seeing a professional means they are weak. In reality, actively seeking support is a way to take responsibility for your own well-being.
• According to the psychology of grief, companionship from a professional can help you understand your emotions, learn effective coping skills, and gradually face loss with a stronger mindset.

You don't have to heal alone

• Overcoming the pain of losing a loved one is a journey that takes time and sometimes requires support from others. If you feel you cannot cope on your own, do not hesitate to seek out a professional or trusted individuals.
• Being listened to, understood, and guided correctly will help you gradually regain balance, continue your life, and cherish beautiful memories of your loved one in a more peaceful way.

Tip 10: Heal at your own pace

Don't rush yourself to get over it too quickly

• When facing loss, many people worry that they are still grieving after months or even years. In reality, there is no "right" amount of time to overcome the pain of losing a loved one.
• According to the psychology of grief, the process of adapting to loss is different for everyone. This depends on the relationship with the deceased, the circumstances of their passing, personality, family support, and the individual's mental health.

Respect your own recovery pace

• Some people stabilize after a few months, while others need more time to adapt to a new life. No timeline applies to everyone.
• Don't compare your journey to others or feel pressured by phrases like "it's time to move on" or "you need to be stronger." Everyone has their own healing process.

Accept that emotions can change over time

• There will be days when you feel more peaceful, but also times when sadness unexpectedly returns when you see a photo, hear a song, or visit a place associated with the deceased.
• These emotions do not mean you are regressing. They are a normal part of the process of facing loss, especially during anniversaries, birthdays, or death anniversaries.

Focus on small progress each day

• Instead of aiming to stop grieving, acknowledge positive changes such as sleeping better, eating more regularly, returning to work, or being able to smile when remembering your loved one.
• These small steps show that you are gradually adapting to life after loss, even if you still remember and love the deceased.

Healing does not mean forgetting

• According to the psychology of grief, the goal of the recovery process is not to erase memories, but to learn to live harmoniously with remembrance without letting it dominate your entire life.
  

Part 2: Facing and preparing for departure

Tip 1: Discuss end-of-life care with your doctor

Proactively discuss care options with your doctor

• If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness or an incurable condition, take time to thoroughly discuss care options with your doctor. Early preparation helps the patient and family make decisions that align with their wishes and health status.
• During the process of facing loss, understanding treatment and care options also helps reduce anxiety, fosters a sense of proactivity, and better prepares both mentally and practically.

Understand the difference between palliative care and hospice care

• Palliative care is a form of care for people with serious or incurable illnesses. The goal is to manage symptoms such as pain, shortness of breath, fatigue, nausea, and support mental well-being, while improving quality of life. Patients can still continue other treatments if appropriate.
• Hospice care is typically applied when the illness is in its final stage and the treatment goal shifts from prolonging life to helping the patient pass away comfortably, with reduced pain and dignity. This service also supports families during the care process and in preparing for separation.

Ask your doctor important information

• When speaking with your doctor, you should inquire about:
  • Disease prognosis and potential changes in the near future.
  • Methods to help control pain and reduce symptoms.
  • Care services at the hospital or at home suitable for the patient's condition.
  • Support for caregivers and family.
• Understanding this information will help the entire family be more proactive in providing care and making decisions that align with the patient's wishes.

Prioritize safety and quality of life

• In addition to treating the illness, discuss with your doctor measures that can help the patient feel more comfortable in daily life, such as pain control, nutritional support, sleep care, and psychological support.
• A comprehensive care plan not only focuses on the patient but also helps family members reduce pressure during the care process.

Early preparation helps reduce future pressure

• According to the psychology of grief, being fully prepared with information and having a clear care plan helps patients and families reduce feelings of insecurity when facing loss.
  

Tip 2: Share when you are ready

Inform your loved ones at the appropriate time

• If you or a loved one is diagnosed with a serious or terminal illness, sharing the news with family is not an easy decision. Choose a time when you feel calm enough and ready to start the conversation.
• There's no need to rush or force yourself to speak before you're ready. Taking time to think about what you want to share will help the conversation be clearer and more gentle.

Start with the person you trust the most

• If it feels too difficult to talk to many people at once, start with a family member or close friend whom you trust.
• After sharing, you can ask them to accompany you when informing other loved ones. Having someone by your side will help you feel more stable and reduce emotional pressure.

Prepare what you want to say in advance

• Before the conversation, identify the important information you want your loved ones to know, such as:
  • Diagnosis and current health status.
  • Treatment or care plan for the near future.
  • Personal wishes or decisions related to care.
  • How you want your family to support you.
• Preparing in advance helps you avoid missing important information and reduces feelings of confusion when emotions run high.

Accept all reactions from loved ones

• Upon hearing the news, everyone will react differently. Some may cry, some may be silent, some may be angry, deny it, or constantly ask questions.
• According to the psychology of grief, these are all natural emotional responses when people have to face loss or the risk of losing a loved one. These reactions often stem from love, attachment, and concern for you.
• Give your loved ones time to process the information, just as you also need time to accept your circumstances.

Seek additional support if the conversation is too difficult

• If you feel unable to share on your own, consider asking a doctor, psychologist, social worker, or a member of a support group to accompany you during the conversation with your family.
• Support from professionals can help the conversation go more smoothly and create an opportunity for family members to understand the situation and prepare for the next steps together.

Open communication helps the whole family cope better

• Sharing information honestly doesn't make the pain disappear, but it gives everyone a chance to mentally prepare, express their feelings, and make important decisions together.
  

Tip 3: Join a patient support group

Connect with people in similar situations

• If you are living with a serious or terminal illness, joining a support group can provide significant emotional benefits. Talking with others who are going through similar circumstances can help you feel understood, less alone, and gain more motivation to face challenges.
• According to the psychology of grief, community connection is an important factor in reducing stress, increasing adaptability, and supporting the process of facing loss.

Find a support group that matches your condition

• Look for support groups organized at hospitals, palliative care centers, psychological counseling facilities, or reputable community organizations. If you cannot participate in person, you can also choose online support groups moderated by professionals.
• Many groups are formed specifically for certain diseases or circumstances, such as people with cancer, chronic heart disease, neurological disorders, caregivers, or families with a terminally ill member. Joining the right group will help you receive insights and experiences relevant to your needs.

Learn from those who have come before you

• During group sessions, you can listen to how others overcome difficulties, manage symptoms, communicate with family, or maintain their quality of life.
• These real-life experiences do not replace medical advice but can give you a more positive perspective and help you better prepare for the journey ahead.

Share when you feel ready

• You are not obligated to share your story on your first visit. Simply listening is an important step in the adaptation process.
• When you feel enough trust, share your thoughts, worries, or hopes. Being heard in a safe environment can help reduce mental pressure and increase a sense of companionship.

Choose reliable sources of support

• Prioritize groups coordinated by hospitals, medical organizations, mental health professionals, or reputable non-profits. These groups often provide accurate information, respect privacy, and create a positive, supportive environment.
• Be cautious of communities that spread unverified information or promote treatments without scientific basis.

You don't have to face this journey alone

• Whether you are living with a serious illness or preparing for end-of-life, you can find shared understanding from others with similar experiences.
  

Tip 4: Live fully through small stages

Break life into small, achievable goals

• When you receive a diagnosis of a serious or terminal illness, you might feel overwhelmed if you constantly think about the future. Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, focus on what's important each day, week, or month.
• According to the psychology of grief, breaking down goals helps reduce feelings of overwhelm, increases a sense of control over life, and improves mental well-being during turbulent times.

Focus on what you can do today

• Set simple goals that align with your health, such as:
  • Complete a full meal.
  • Take a walk or gentle exercise if your body allows.
  • Meet a loved one or call a friend.
  • Read a few pages, listen to a favorite song, or tend to a small garden.
• These seemingly small actions can bring a sense of accomplishment and make each day more meaningful.

Cherish each present moment

• Don't let worries about the months or years ahead overshadow the joys of the present. A meal with family, a heartfelt conversation, or a peaceful afternoon are all precious experiences.
• Slowing down and enjoying each moment doesn't mean giving up hope, but rather choosing to focus on what brings value in the present.

Don't feel pressured to solve everything immediately

• You don't need to complete all plans, make every decision, or prepare everything in a short period.
• Prioritize the most important tasks first, then gradually address the remaining issues according to your ability and health.

Gradually adapt to reality

• According to the psychology of grief, people often adapt better when focusing on near and realistic goals, rather than constantly worrying about things that haven't happened yet.
  

Tip 5: Enjoy life every day

Make time for things that bring joy

• Even while living with a serious or terminal illness, you can still create meaningful moments every day. Prioritize doing things that make you feel happy, peaceful, or purposeful, no matter how simple they are.
• According to the psychology of grief, engaging in activities that bring joy and meaning can help improve quality of life, reduce stress, and support you in coping with loss with a more positive mindset.

Spend more time with loved ones

• Talk, share a meal with family, meet friends, or simply sit with those you cherish. These moments not only bring comfort but also create precious memories for both you and your loved ones.
• If there's something you want to say, a thank you to send, or feelings to express, don't hesitate to share. Heartfelt conversations often help people feel more connected and at peace.

Find joy even on difficult days

• There will be days when you feel weak or low on energy. On those days, choose gentle activities that suit your health condition, such as:
  • Listening to your favorite music.
  • Reading a book or listening to an audiobook.
  • Admiring plants, tending to flowers, or sitting outdoors.
  • Looking at photos, videos, or talking with loved ones.
• These small daily joys can bring a positive feeling and make life more meaningful.

Don't be afraid to ask for help

• If moving around or daily activities become difficult, proactively ask family or friends for help. This support doesn't make you a burden; it helps you conserve energy for what's truly important.
• Accepting help also provides an opportunity for loved ones to show their affection and stand by you during this time.

Talk to your doctor if pain affects your quality of life

• If pain, shortness of breath, or other symptoms prevent you from resting or enjoying life, inform your doctor as soon as possible.
• Many methods for symptom control and palliative care are available today to reduce pain, improve comfort, and enhance quality of life. Do not suffer in silence when symptoms can be managed with appropriate medical interventions.

Live fully in the present

• According to the psychology of grief, focusing on what is meaningful in the present helps reduce feelings of regret and brings peace to both the patient and their family.

Tip 6: Prepare for final wishes

Proactively arrange important wishes

• If you are facing a terminal illness or a disease with an unfavorable prognosis, preparing your personal wishes in advance can bring you peace of mind and lighten the burden on your family later.
• Proactive planning does not mean giving up hope. It is a practical step to ensure your wishes are respected and to help your loved ones feel less pressured when making difficult decisions.

Update wills and other legal documents if needed

• If you have assets or legal matters to settle, consider drawing up or updating your will according to legal regulations.
• Thorough preparation of necessary documents helps prevent disputes, misunderstandings, and reduces stress for the family during an emotional time.

Communicate your wishes clearly

• Share your wishes regarding care, treatment, and future medical decisions with your family and healthcare team, especially if you become unable to make decisions yourself.
• You can also discuss personal wishes such as funeral rites, resting place, or things you want your loved ones to do after you pass. Open communication early on helps everyone understand and respect your decisions.

Preserve important things for loved ones

• If you wish, you can write letters, record audio, make videos, or leave messages for family and friends.
• These spiritual mementos not only preserve love and the values you wish to pass on, but can also be a source of comfort to help loved ones cope with loss and gradually overcome the pain of losing a loved one.

Communicate with family and doctors

• Inform relevant individuals about your decisions and wishes so that everyone can coordinate their actions when needed.
• If there are complex legal or medical issues, consult with a doctor, lawyer, or appropriate professional for guidance according to current regulations.

Preparing in advance helps alleviate family stress

• According to the psychology of grief, preparing important plans and wishes in advance can help loved ones reduce feelings of confusion, regret, or conflict when dealing with post-loss issues.

Tip 7: Accompanying a terminally ill patient

Give them love and presence

• When a loved one or friend is terminally ill, what they often need most is not promises of a cure, but care, listening, and companionship from those who love them.
• According to the psychology of grief, feeling loved and not having to face illness alone can help patients reduce anxiety, increase their sense of security, and improve their quality of life.

Be with them in important moments

• Take time to talk, listen to their thoughts and feelings without judgment or rushing to offer advice.
• If possible, accompany them to medical appointments, help with transportation, or remember important information from the doctor to reduce the patient's stress.

Help with practical tasks

• Small daily actions can make a big difference, such as:
  • Helping with housework or preparing meals.
  • Buying medicine and essential supplies.
  • Helping to arrange appointments or care.
  • Spending time with them watching movies, listening to music, or taking a stroll if their health allows.
• These actions help the patient get more rest and feel the care from those around them.

Accept your own limitations

• Many caregivers often feel they must do everything to save their loved one. However, no one can fully control the progression of an illness.
• Don't feel pressured to be a "hero" or to always find a solution for every problem. The most valuable gift you can give them is your presence, your listening ear, and sincere love.

Don't forget to take care of yourself

• Supporting someone with a terminal illness can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Take time to rest, share with loved ones, or seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed.
• Taking good care of yourself will ensure you have the strength and mental well-being to continue supporting your loved one.

Presence is sometimes the most meaningful gift

• According to grief psychology, patients often remember the feeling of being loved and supported more than perfect words of comfort. Simply having someone by their side during difficult times can bring peace and emotional strength.

Part 3: How to talk to children about loss

Tip 1: Explain loss according to the child's age

Understand how children of different ages perceive death

• Children do not understand death in the same way adults do. Their cognitive ability changes with each developmental stage, so conversations need to be appropriate for their age and maturity level.
• According to grief psychology, explaining in a way that children can understand will help them cope with loss more healthily, reduce anxiety, and avoid lingering misunderstandings.

Young children often struggle to understand the permanence of death

• Children of preschool or early elementary age may not yet grasp that death is permanent. They may sometimes view it as a temporary separation or believe that the deceased will return.
• Therefore, adults should use simple, clear, and honest explanations, avoiding vague phrases like "gone to sleep," "gone away," or "passed on," as these can cause children to misunderstand or develop unnecessary fears.

Older children have a better understanding of the cause and permanence of death

• By adolescence, children generally understand that death is a natural and irreversible part of life. They are also capable of asking deeper questions about the cause, meaning, and impact of loss.
• At this stage, parents or caregivers should listen, communicate openly, and answer honestly within an age-appropriate framework.

Children may associate death with other events

• After experiencing or hearing about a fatal event, especially major events reported by the media, young children can sometimes generalize and assume that similar situations always lead to death.
• If you notice unreasonable fears or misunderstandings in children, gently explain to help them differentiate between rare occurrences and everyday life.

Let the child lead the conversation

• Encourage children to ask questions and answer what they want to know, rather than providing too much information at once.
• Observe the child's reaction to adjust your explanation. If the child doesn't want to talk further, give them time and remind them that you are always available to listen when needed.

Listening helps children heal

• According to grief psychology, children often adapt better when adults listen, answer honestly, and create a safe environment for them to express their emotions.

Tip 2: Talk to children about death

Talk to children with honesty and love

• For many young children, death is a completely new concept. Therefore, parents and caregivers play an important role in helping children understand loss with love, patience, and age-appropriate explanations.
• According to grief psychology, an open and honest conversation will help children feel safer when facing loss, and build trust in their parents during difficult times.

Use simple, clear language

• When explaining death, use words that are easy to understand and direct, appropriate for the child's cognitive ability.
• Avoid using vague phrases like "gone to sleep," "gone away," "lost," or "passed on," as young children may interpret them literally and develop unnecessary fears or misunderstandings.

Answer what the child asks

• There's no need to provide too much information in a single conversation. Let the child ask questions and answer specifically what they want to know.
• If you don't know how to answer, you can honestly say that you need time to find out or think about it. The important thing is that the child feels your care and willingness to accompany them.

Be honest about your own feelings

• If you are sad or grieving a loss, let the child know that those feelings are normal. This helps children understand that sadness, longing, or crying are not signs of weakness.
• Do not try to completely hide your emotions or pretend everything is okay, as this can confuse children when they notice a difference between your words and reality.

Create a space for children to express emotions

• Encourage children to share their thoughts, ask questions, or talk about what worries them.
• Listen without judgment, and reassure them that the family will always be there to help them through this difficult time.

Honesty helps children build trust

• According to grief psychology, children tend to adapt better when adults explain honestly, consistently, and in an age-appropriate manner. This helps them understand that loss is a part of life and that feelings of sadness are natural.

Tip 3: How to appropriately inform children about a loss

Inform children using simple and sincere language

• When a loved one passes away, speak to children with simple, clear, and honest words. Although this is a difficult conversation, knowing the truth from someone they trust will help them feel safer.
• According to grief psychology, children adapt better when they receive accurate information in a loving environment, rather than having to guess or hear it from various sources.

Do not delay informing them

• Many adults want to wait for "the right time" to tell children, but delaying too long can lead to children accidentally finding out from others or through social media.
• When that happens, children are likely to feel confused, hurt, or lose trust because they believe their family has hidden the truth.

Avoid making up stories to comfort them

• Do not explain that the deceased person is just away, asleep, or will return soon. These vague explanations can cause children to misunderstand death and create unnecessary fears.
• Instead, explain using age-appropriate words, and be ready to answer the questions children ask.

Let a trusted adult share the news directly

• If possible, a parent or a close, trusted relative should be the one to directly inform the child about the loss.
• Hearing the news from someone they love helps children feel that they are not facing this event alone and that there is always someone ready to support them.

Give children time to process the information

• After hearing the news, children may cry, become silent, ask endless questions, or even continue playing as usual. These can all be natural reactions as children try to understand and process their emotions.
• Be patient, listen, hug them if they want, and remind them that you are always available to talk whenever they need to.

Honesty helps children feel protected

• According to grief psychology, children build a sense of security when adults communicate honestly, consistently, and are always present to answer questions. This helps them gradually cope with loss in a healthy and age-appropriate way.

Tip 4: Encourage children to express their feelings

Create a safe space for children to share

• After experiencing loss, many children have difficulty expressing their emotions or don't know where to start. Parents and caregivers can help by creating a safe environment where children know that all emotions are listened to and respected.
• According to grief psychology, expressing emotions in a loving environment helps children cope with loss healthily and reduces the risk of suppressing emotions.

Encourage but don't force children to talk

• Gently ask children how they feel or if they want to share anything. If the child is willing, listen with patience and without interrupting.
• However, if the child doesn't want to talk yet or feels uncomfortable, respect their choice. Every child has a different pace of adaptation and way of expressing grief.

Listen more than giving advice

• When children start sharing, focus on listening rather than rushing to correct their emotions or trying to make them "cheer up."
• You can validate their feelings with phrases like: "I understand you're very sad" or "It's completely normal to miss someone." These words help children feel understood and accepted.

Observe how children express their feelings

• Not all children express sadness through words. Some may show it through:
  • Drawing or coloring.
  • Playing role-playing games.
  • Writing in a journal.
  • Changes in behavior or mood for a period.
• Observe these expressions and see them as part of the child's process of coping with emotions, rather than rushing to judge or stop them.

Always remind children that you are available to listen

• Let children know that they can come to you anytime they want to talk or ask questions.
• Maintaining your presence and willingness to support them will help children feel secure, even if they don't want to share right away.

Patience helps children heal

• According to grief psychology, children often adapt better when adults respect their emotions, don't pressure them, and are always ready to provide support when they need it.

Tip 5: Help children preserve beautiful memories

Help children preserve positive memories of the deceased

• After losing a loved one, recalling beautiful memories can help children feel that love and connection are always present. This is an effective way to help children cope with loss without focusing solely on sadness.
• According to grief psychology, preserving positive memories helps children build a healthy connection with the deceased, while reducing feelings of fear, regret, and loneliness.

Encourage children to talk about happy memories

• Ask children about times they laughed, played, or were cared for by the deceased. These simple stories can help children remember that, alongside the sadness, there are still many cherished memories.
• If children wish, let them freely share their feelings, tell stories, or ask questions about the deceased without fear of judgment.

Look at photos and mementos together

• You can look at photo albums, videos, letters, gifts, or mementos associated with the deceased together with your child.
• While looking, tell children positive stories, cherished qualities, or happy moments that the whole family shared.

Maintain a warm and positive atmosphere

• Even though the whole family is grieving, try to create gentle, loving conversations instead of only dwelling on the loss.
• This does not mean denying sadness, but helps children understand that we can both miss someone and cherish the good things they left behind.

Respect your child's feelings and your own

• If you are also grieving, don't feel you always have to be strong in front of your child. You can share your feelings calmly and show your child that missing someone, shedding tears, or smiling when remembering the deceased are all normal reactions.
• This helps children understand that sadness and happiness can coexist in the healing process.

Beautiful memories are a lasting source of comfort

• According to grief psychology, regularly recalling positive memories helps children maintain a sense of connection with the deceased and supports the adaptation process after the event.

Mẹo 6: Cho trẻ tham gia nghi thức tưởng niệm

Encourage children to participate in appropriate farewell rituals

• If children wish and feel ready, let them participate in memorial services or funerals in an age-appropriate way. This helps children understand that they are also a part of the family in the journey of coping with loss.
• According to grief psychology, being involved in memorial activities can help children express their emotions, accept reality, and adapt better after the passing of a loved one.

Let children contribute in their own way

• Children can participate in simple ways such as:
  • Reading a poem or a few messages if they wish.
  • Choosing a bouquet of flowers or a photograph to place at the memorial.
  • Drawing a picture or writing a card for the deceased.
  • Sharing a beautiful memory of the loved one with the family.
• These activities help children feel that they are expressing their love and respect for the deceased.

Respect your child's decision

• Not all children are ready to attend funerals or memorial services. If children feel anxious or do not want to participate, respect their choice.
• You can suggest other forms of remembrance, such as lighting a candle, planting a tree, making a photo album, or spending quiet time together remembering the deceased.

Prepare children beforehand

• Before participating, explain to children what the funeral will be like, who will be there, and what they might see or hear.
• Preparing beforehand helps children reduce anxiety, avoid feeling surprised, and creates a sense of readiness when participating.

Accompany children throughout the process

• Stay with your child, observe their emotions, and be ready to take them out for a break if they feel overwhelmed or tired.
• After the memorial service, take time to talk so that children can share their thoughts, feelings, or lingering questions.

Participation helps children heal

• According to grief psychology, voluntary participation in farewell rituals helps children feel they have a role in remembering the deceased, thereby increasing their sense of connection and reducing feelings of helplessness.

Mẹo 7: Hãy chân thành với cảm xúc của mình

Show children that grief is normal

• When losing a loved one, parents often try to appear strong to protect their children. However, expressing emotions in a healthy way is also very important. Children often observe how adults behave to learn how to cope with loss.
• According to grief psychology, when children see their parents grieve, cry, and gradually adapt to loss, they will understand that these emotions are natural and do not need to be hidden.

Don't be afraid to express your emotions appropriately

• If you shed tears or feel like you miss the deceased, share it with your child using simple words like: "Mommy misses Grandpa very much, so Mommy feels sad."
• This helps children understand that sadness is not a sign of weakness, but a normal part of loving and parting.

Set an example of how to deal with pain

• Instead of trying to suppress all emotions, show children how you take care of yourself when you're sad, such as talking to loved ones, resting, praying, or reminiscing about beautiful memories with family.
• Through this, children learn healthy coping mechanisms for emotions instead of avoiding or suppressing them.

Balance sincerity and a sense of security

• Expressing emotions does not mean burdening children with the responsibility of comforting adults. Share at an age-appropriate level and always reassure them that they are loved, cared for, and safe.
• If you feel overly grief-stricken or struggle to control your emotions for an extended period, seek support from family or mental health professionals to gain additional resources for caring for both yourself and your child.

Encourage children to share their feelings

• When children see that their parents are willing to talk about emotions, they will also be more open about their sadness, longing, or worries.
• Listen without judgment and remind children that all feelings deserve to be respected.

Sincerity helps the whole family heal

• According to grief psychology, children learn to adapt to loss by observing and interacting with caregivers. An adult who expresses emotions in a healthy way will create a foundation for children to develop psychological resilience.

Mẹo 8: Nhận biết khi trẻ cần hỗ trợ chuyên môn

Recognize when children need professional support

• Most children can gradually adapt to loss with love and support from their family. However, in some cases, grief can severely affect a child's emotions, behavior, or development. In such situations, seeking help from a mental health professional is essential.
• According to grief psychology, early intervention can help children learn to cope with loss in a healthy way, reducing the risk of prolonged psychological difficulties.

Pay attention to changes in daily life

• If a child suddenly has difficulty performing daily activities such as studying, self-care, or participating in favorite activities for an extended period, this could be a sign that the child is struggling significantly with the adaptation process.
• Prolonged changes that clearly affect daily life should be noticed and monitored by parents.

Observe changes in emotions and behavior

• Some signs that a child may need evaluation by a specialist include:
  • Prolonged sadness, irritability, or mood swings.
  • Loss of confidence or frequent self-depreciation.
  • Recurrence of previously resolved behaviors, such as bedwetting in children who were already toilet-trained.
  • Unusual, prolonged, or age-inappropriate behavioral changes.
• Some reactions that may appear in the initial period after loss are normal. However, if symptoms are prolonged, become severe, or affect learning, daily life, and relationships, parents should seek professional support.

Don't hesitate to seek professional help

• If you are concerned about your child's mental health, talk to a pediatrician, psychologist, or child psychiatrist. Professionals will conduct a comprehensive assessment and recommend appropriate forms of support for each age and circumstance.
• Seeking help does not mean that a child is weak or "problematic." This is an important step in mental health care, just as when a child needs treatment for a physical illness.

Family remains the most important source of support

• Whether or not they receive professional support, children still need to feel love, be listened to, and feel safe from their family.

Những điều giúp bạn chữa lành sau mất mát

Allow yourself to live on and find joy again

• After losing a loved one, many people feel guilty when they gradually smile or enjoy life again. However, according to grief psychology, finding joy again does not mean you have forgotten the deceased, but is a sign that you are gradually adapting to the change.
• Allow yourself to continue living, pursue meaningful things, and keep the love for the deceased in your heart.

Accept all your emotions

• Crying, sadness, anger, longing, or disappointment are all normal reactions when coping with loss.
• Don't try to suppress your emotions or force yourself to be "strong" too soon. Acknowledging and expressing emotions in a healthy way will support the healing process.

Preserve love through beautiful memories

• Remember the happy moments you shared, such as trips, family meals, conversations, or small but meaningful things.
• Recalling positive memories helps maintain an emotional connection and reduces the feeling of loss over time.

Be with loved ones

• When grieving, don't isolate yourself. Spend time with family, friends, or those who are always ready to listen and support you.
• The care and sharing from loved ones are important motivators to help you gradually overcome difficult times.

Be patient with the healing process

• Pain often doesn't disappear immediately. Over time, the intensity of emotions may decrease, and you will learn to live with the memories of the deceased.
• Everyone heals at a different pace, so don't compare your journey to others.

Avoid taking anger out on yourself or others

• During grief, you may become irritable or blame yourself. However, blaming yourself or taking anger out on those around you often only prolongs negative emotions and affects relationships.
• If you feel overwhelmed, find healthy ways to release tension such as talking to loved ones, journaling, light exercise, or seeking support from a mental health professional when needed.

Hold on to love, step by step

• According to the psychology of grief, healing does not mean forgetting the deceased, but learning to carry love and beautiful memories to continue life.

References

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3. Bonanno, G. A. (2009). The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss. Basic Books.
4. Center to Advance Palliative Care. (2024). Communication, grief, and advance care planning resources. Center to Advance Palliative Care.
5. Corr, C. A., Corr, D. M., & Doka, K. J. (2019). Death and Dying, Life and Living (9th ed.). Cengage Learning.
6. Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.
7. National Cancer Institute. (2023). Grief, bereavement, and coping with loss (PDQ®)–Health Professional Version. National Cancer Institute.
8. National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. (2023). Grief and bereavement resources. National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization.
9. Niemiec, R. M. (2018). Character Strengths Interventions: A Field Guide for Practitioners. Hogrefe Publishing.
10. Parkes, C. M., Laungani, P., & Young, B. (Eds.). (2015). Death and Bereavement Across Cultures (2nd ed.). Routledge.
11. Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473.
12. Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (5th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.
13. World Health Organization. (2020). Integrating palliative care and symptom relief into primary health care: A WHO guide for planners, implementers and managers. World Health Organization.
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Content edited by: Rene Lee Nguyen.

Information consulted and verified by expert: Olivia Thompson.