How to care for someone nearing death: 8 things you should do to help them pass away peacefully

No one is truly prepared when facing the moment a loved one enters their final days. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 56.8 million people die globally each year, and millions of families face difficult decisions about how to accompany, care for, and say goodbye to their loved ones. Many people worry about what to do when a loved one is dying, what to say, and how to provide care so they feel peaceful and not alone.

This article will guide you on how to care for someone who is dying in a gentle, humane, and practical way. At the same time, Tiptory will share how to talk to someone who is dying, helping you provide comfort, respect their wishes, and create meaningful moments in the final journey of their life.

Task 1: Be with your loved one until the very end

Be with the dying person so they don't feel alone

• One of the most meaningful things in caring for someone who is dying is spending time with them. The presence of loved ones helps them feel loved, safe, and accompanied in their final moments.
• If possible, arrange for the patient not to go through their final moments alone. This not only brings comfort to the dying person but also helps the family reduce feelings of regret later on.

Give them genuine love and care

• You don't need to say overly flowery words. A gentle gaze, a light hug, or a quiet presence is enough to convey love and care.
• When doing what to do when a loved one is dying, prioritize creating a peaceful atmosphere, helping them feel that they are always loved by family and friends.

Continue communication even if they no longer respond

• Many studies on end-of-life care show that hearing can be one of the senses that remains active until a very late stage. Therefore, even if the patient no longer opens their eyes or cannot respond, you should still gently talk to them.
• When talking to someone who is dying, use a slow, calm, and warm voice. You can recall beautiful memories, say that everyone loves them, or simply let them know you are by their side.

Hold hands to provide a sense of security

• A gentle hand-hold can help the patient feel connected and safe, even if they are no longer able to communicate.
• If the patient is comfortable, continue holding their hand or gently stroking their arm. These tender gestures are an important part of caring for someone who is dying, helping them feel accompanied and loved until their last moments.

Task 2: Help the patient feel more comfortable

Manage pain and uncomfortable symptoms

• One of the top priorities when caring for someone who is dying is to help them feel comfortable and reduce pain. If possible, collaborate with a doctor or palliative care/hospice team to develop an appropriate pain management plan.
• Medical staff will monitor symptoms such as pain, shortness of breath, nausea, or restlessness and adjust medication as needed, helping the patient have a better quality of life in the final stage.

Use an anti-decubitus mattress to reduce pressure on the body

• Patients who lie in bed for extended periods are at high risk of pressure ulcers and pain due to prolonged pressure on the skin and soft tissues.
• Use an anti-decubitus mattress or supportive mattresses if possible. Also, change positions as directed by medical staff to help reduce pressure on areas such as the back, hips, shoulders, and heels.

Give the patient water when they need it

• If the patient is still conscious and can swallow safely, offer them small sips of water or moisten their mouth as needed.
• Do not force the dying person to drink too much water if they don't want to or can no longer swallow, as this can increase the risk of choking and discomfort. When their mouth is dry, you can use a gauze or cotton swab to moisten their oral cavity to help them feel more comfortable.

Keep the body clean and dry if the patient cannot control bowel or bladder function

• Incontinence of urine or feces is quite common in the final stage of life. Regular hygiene helps reduce the risk of skin irritation, infection, and unpleasant odors.
• When doing what to do when a loved one is dying, change diapers or bed linens immediately after they become soiled, clean the skin with warm water or an appropriate solution, and gently dry. Protective creams can be used as directed by medical staff to prevent diaper rash and skin damage.

Prioritize comfort over unnecessary interventions

• The goal of caring for someone who is dying is to enhance comfort and preserve the patient's dignity. All care measures should be based on the actual needs and wishes of the patient and the advice of medical staff.
• Carefully observing signs of discomfort and promptly informing the doctor will help adjust the care plan, providing a more peaceful and less painful end of life.

Task 3: Bring peace and courage

Listen to the dying person's worries

• When facing the end of life, many people may feel anxious, scared, or concerned about what is to come. This is a normal psychological reaction and should be met with understanding.
• In the process of caring for someone who is dying, create a space for them to express their feelings, thoughts, or lingering concerns without judgment or hasty reassurance.

Encourage with gentle and sincere words

• If talking to someone who is dying, use a calm, warm, and encouraging tone. You can remind them that they are not alone, that their family is always there, and that everyone will continue to love and remember the good things they have left behind.
• Sincere words of encouragement often bring more comfort than trying to deny their fears or forcing them to think positively.

Respect their beliefs and spiritual values

• For those with religious beliefs or faith, talking about faith, praying, or inviting a spiritual guide to visit can help them feel more at peace.
• If the patient is not religious, you can still recall beautiful memories with them, things they are proud of, or meaningful values in their life. The important thing is to respect their beliefs, wishes, and personal choices.

Bring peace instead of argument

• When doing what to do when a loved one is dying, avoid stressful conversations or trying to change their opinions or beliefs during this sensitive period.
• Instead, focus on presence, listening, and words that bring hope, peace, and love. This is one of the most precious spiritual gifts you can give your loved one in their final days.

Task 4: Preserve the patient's dignity

Always treat the patient with respect

• Even with declining health or complete dependence on others, the patient still needs to be treated as an individual with value and dignity.
• In the process of caring for someone who is dying, communicate with a gentle, polite, and respectful attitude. Avoid talking about them as if they were not present or no longer capable of feeling.

Understand that dependence can make them feel self-conscious

• The inability to eat, perform personal hygiene, or control bowel/bladder movements can make many people feel ashamed, lose self-confidence, or become a burden to their family.
• When doing what to do when a loved one is dying, understand these emotions and support them discreetly and tactfully to help them feel more comfortable.

Show appreciation with sincere words

• Don't hesitate to tell the patient that you love, are grateful for, and always respect them. Sincere words of appreciation can help them feel that their life still has meaning and is valued.
• If talking to someone who is dying, you can mention the good things they have done for the family, memorable moments, or the values they have passed on to their children and grandchildren. This helps them feel that their contributions will always be remembered.

Respect the patient's privacy and wishes

• Always ask for permission before assisting with personal hygiene, changing clothes, or performing care activities, if the patient is still able to communicate.
• Cover their body when necessary, maintain privacy, and listen to their wishes in every small matter. These actions help protect their dignity and make the patient feel respected until their final moments.

Help them feel their self-worth

• The presence, encouragement, and treatment from loved ones can help the patient realize that they are still an important part of the family.
• In caring for someone who is dying, preserving dignity not only helps the patient feel more at peace but also creates loving and respectful memories for those left behind.

Task 5: Relive beautiful memories together

Recall memorable milestones in their life

• When talking to someone who is dying, recall meaningful events such as their wedding day, the birth of children or grandchildren, career achievements, or memorable trips.
• Recalling positive memories helps the patient better appreciate the value of their life and brings a sense of peace in their final days.

Share happy stories and laughter

• Humorous stories, adorable memories, or situations that once made the whole family laugh can help lighten the atmosphere.
• Choose stories that are appropriate for the patient's health and emotions, avoiding recounting sad memories or creating pressure.

Mention their hobbies and achievements they once loved

• Talk about activities that once brought joy to the patient, such as gardening, cooking, reading, playing sports, doing crafts, or caring for their family.
• Recalling things they once loved helps affirm that their life has had many meaningful and valuable moments.

Preserve precious stories with family

• If the patient is too weak to tell stories, talk to family members to collectively recall important milestones in their life.
• When doing what to do when a loved one is dying, sharing beautiful stories not only helps the patient feel loved but also provides an opportunity for future generations to preserve memories and the values they have left behind.

Turn memories into a spiritual gift

• You can look at old photos with the patient, listen to their favorite music, or reminisce about special people, places, and moments in their life.
• This is a meaningful part of end-of-life care, helping them feel connected to family and look back on their journey with gratitude and peace.

Task 6: Listen more than you speak

Allow the patient to express their feelings

• One of the most important things when caring for someone who is dying is to spend time listening instead of trying to talk too much.
• Let them share their thoughts, worries, memories, or unfinished business at their own pace. Don't interrupt or rush to offer advice if they just need someone to listen.

Listen with full presence

• When talking to someone who is dying, look at them, hold their hand if they are comfortable, and focus on the conversation. These gestures of care help them feel accompanied and respected.
• Nodding, a gentle smile, or short responses like "I'm listening," "Thank you for sharing" can encourage them to continue expressing themselves.

Don't be afraid of silence

• Silence isn't always negative. Sometimes, the patient just needs someone to be there without saying anything more.
• If the conversation stops, you don't need to try to find a new topic. Sitting together, holding hands, or simply enjoying the quiet can bring a sense of peace.

Respect the patient's communication pace

• Patients who are dying often get tired easily, speak slowly, or need more time to think and respond.
• When caring for a dying loved one, be patient and wait for them to finish their thoughts; don't rush or answer for them. This helps them feel heard and respected.

Understand that presence is sometimes more important than words

• You don't need perfect words to comfort the patient. What they often need most is to know that someone is always there, ready to listen and accompany them.
• In end-of-life care, a sincere presence, a handhold, or a few minutes of quiet together can sometimes be more valuable than any words of comfort.

Task 7: Accompany the entire family

Proactively assist with daily tasks

• When caring for someone who is dying, family members often dedicate most of their time and energy to being with the patient. Therefore, small acts of support in daily life can make a big difference.
• You can prepare meals, buy necessities, drive family members, or help clean the house. These practical actions help reduce the family's burden, allowing them to focus on caring for the patient.

Create opportunities for caregivers to rest

• Caring for a patient in the final stages of life is a physically and emotionally demanding job, which can easily lead to caregiver exhaustion if they don't get enough rest.
• When caring for a dying loved one, proactively offer to take turns being with the patient for a few hours or assist with some tasks so the caregiver has time to eat, sleep, or relax. Taking good care of the caregiver also contributes to improving the quality of patient care.

Listen and share with the family

• Not only the patient, but family members can also experience feelings of anxiety, sadness, fatigue, or disorientation.
• Take time to listen, encourage, and create opportunities for them to share their emotions. Sometimes, presence and a sincere conversation are worth more than many empty words of comfort.

Continue to support after the loved one passes away

• Support should not end when the patient passes away. The grieving period is a time when many people face the pain of loss and need attention from those around them.
• Let the family know you are available to help when they need it, whether it's visiting, assisting with post-funeral tasks, or simply spending time listening. This is a practical way to continue supporting them and help them gradually adapt to life after loss.

Care with consistent actions

• In end-of-life care, support for the family doesn't need to be grand, but consistent and sincere.
• A meal, a check-in, taking turns caring, or a call after the funeral can all help the family feel they don't have to go through this difficult time alone.

Task 8: Respect the patient's wishes

Do not force the patient to do something they don't want to do

• During end-of-life care, it's crucial to respect the patient's wishes and choices. Don't force them to eat, drink, talk, or participate in activities if it makes them tired or uncomfortable.
• Listen to the patient's opinions and adjust care to suit their health condition and desires.

Immediately stop anything that makes them uncomfortable

• If the patient shows signs of pain, anxiety, or discomfort during a care measure, stop immediately and find a more suitable solution.
• When caring for a dying loved one, consult with a doctor or medical staff if necessary to choose an option that makes the patient more comfortable and safer.

Respect privacy and personal decisions

• Patients still have the right to decide on matters related to their life and care if they are mentally capable.
• Before assisting with personal hygiene, changing clothes, or inviting others to visit, ask for their opinion and permission. These small actions help the patient feel respected and maintain their dignity.

Observe instead of imposing

• Each person has different needs in the final stage of life. Some want to talk a lot, while others just want to rest or be in a quiet space.
• When talking to someone who is dying, observe their facial expressions, gestures, and reactions to adjust communication. If they want to rest, stay by their side gently instead of trying to prolong the conversation.

Prioritize the patient's comfort

• All decisions in end-of-life care should aim to help the patient feel peaceful, safe, and respected.
• Timely attention, a gentle demeanor, and the ability to listen will bring greater value than any coercion or unnecessary intervention in the final days of life.

Prepare for end-of-life care early

Access end-of-life care services as soon as eligible

• When caring for someone who is dying, one should not wait until the patient is in the terminal phase to seek hospice or palliative care services.
• Early access helps patients manage pain, reduce uncomfortable symptoms, and receive comprehensive physical, emotional, and social support. At the same time, families also receive guidance on how to provide care and make appropriate decisions during the end of life.

Utilize support from professional teams

• End-of-life care programs often have multidisciplinary teams, including doctors, nurses, caregivers, social workers, psychological or spiritual support specialists, and volunteers.
• The coordination of experts helps patients have a better quality of life and reduces the burden on families during end-of-life care.

Don't hesitate to ask family and friends for help

• Caring for someone with a terminal illness is a challenging journey. You don't have to shoulder it all alone.
• When caring for a dying loved one, invite close family or friends to assist if the patient feels comfortable. They can take turns caring, conversing, preparing meals, or helping with daily tasks to lighten the burden on the primary caregiver.

Prioritize the patient's comfort and wishes

• Everyone has different needs in their final days. Before arranging visitors or changing care plans, consider the patient's wishes and comfort level.
• If talking to someone who is dying, ask who they want to see, if they want to rest, or if they need privacy. Respecting their choices helps maintain their dignity and brings a sense of peace.

Face the end of life with compassion and respect

• Death is a natural part of the life cycle that everyone will face. Early preparation and proper care help patients have more peaceful and meaningful final days.
• In all circumstances, treat the patient, family, and medical team with kindness, respect, and empathy. These are important values that make the journey of end-of-life care humane, while bringing comfort and peace to all those who remain.

References

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Content editor: Rowan Hudson Le.

Information reviewed and verified by expert: Daniel Carter.