How do you know what you want? 4 steps to self-discovery.

Have you ever asked yourself, "What do I truly want in life?" This isn't just a question for young people; it's a constant concern throughout adulthood. What makes you happy won't be the same as anyone else's – whether it's your best friend, your lover, or your colleagues. Everyone has their own path to contentment and peace.

To discover what you truly desire , you need the courage to be honest with yourself. This article will help you explore your inner self, identify what brings you joy – and, more importantly, offer practical suggestions for making that happiness a reality.

How do you know what you want in life?

• Career exploration : Reflect on your strengths and core values. What makes you most confident? What do you want to contribute to your work and society? Answering these questions will gradually clarify which career path you should choose.

• Discover joy and happiness : Identify the activities that excite you, activities that make you lose track of time. These fulfilling experiences are clues that lead you to what you truly want.

• Defining your values ​​in love and relationships : Think about the qualities you desire in a life partner or companion. Knowing your core values ​​will make it easier to choose the right relationship, rather than chasing fleeting trends.

Understanding what you want isn't something that happens overnight; it's a journey of self-discovery. The more honest you are, the closer you get to a happy and authentic life.

Part 1: 4 ways to discover what truly makes you happy in life

Method 1: Identify your core values

• Write down the three most important things : Take some time to write down the three most important aspects of your life and prioritize them. For example: family, spiritual beliefs, career, health, or personal hobbies.

• Compare and choose : Ask yourself: Is family more important than work, or vice versa? Does spiritual belief come before personal pleasures? You need clarity on priorities to avoid conflict in your actions.

• Reflect on reality : Once you've identified and ranked your priorities, look back at how you're living. Are you dedicating enough time and energy to what truly matters? Or are you pouring your energy into things that may not necessarily bring lasting happiness?

Identifying your core values ​​and priorities will help you better define what you want in life, leading to balanced and authentic decisions.

Method 2: List the activities you enjoy.

• Be honest with yourself : Write down the things that bring you joy – there's no right or wrong answer. It could be trips, a delicious meal, a conversation about books, or even writing your own books.

• Embrace change : This list will change over time. What made you happy in your 20s may no longer be relevant in your 30s. Don't get stuck in your old self-image – update it to reflect your current joys and passions.

• Ask yourself if you didn't have to worry about money : If money were no longer an issue, what would you choose to do each day? The answer is often your true passion – something you should dedicate your time to pursuing.

Listing and regularly reviewing the things that make you happy is a way to better understand yourself and get closer to the life you want.

Method 3: Don't be dependent on material things.

• Possessions are merely a means to an end : Owning new things may bring you joy, but don't mistake them for the root of happiness.

• Focus on true value : If you're buying a high-quality speaker system, remember the goal isn't just to own the speakers, but to enjoy the music – something that brings deeper joy.

• Cherish the experience : Happiness doesn't just come from the things you own, but also from the experiences associated with them: going to concerts, singing with friends, or simply humming along to work.

Material things can be helpful, but experiences and emotions are what ultimately determine whether you find true joy in life.

Method 4: Practice meditation to clearly see what you want.

• Benefits of meditation : Meditation not only helps reduce stress but also brings clarity, making it easier to recognize what the most important priorities in life are.

• No religion or mysticism required : Although meditation has spiritual origins, you can simply apply it as a method of relaxation and mental well-being.

• Basic practice method :

  • Find a quiet place, free from noise and distractions.

  • Sit comfortably, perhaps in the lotus position, and close your eyes.

  • Inhale and exhale slowly, deeply, and consciously.

  • Focus on feeling your breath, allowing your mind to be fully present in the moment, without letting your thoughts wander.

• Make it a habit : Meditate at the same time every day, especially early in the morning before work. This helps calm the mind and prepare it for a positive day.

Meditation is not just a way to relax, but also an inner mirror that helps you see more clearly what you truly want in life.

Part 2: How to choose the right career? 5 steps to identifying your ideal career.

Step 1: List your strengths

• Harnessing your natural talents : The career that satisfies you most is often one that makes the most of your existing skills and strengths. If you're confident in public speaking and enjoy presentations, then spending all day programming might not be a good fit. Perhaps you'd excel more as a lecturer or coach – a role that combines both knowledge and communication skills.

• Distinguishing between skills and happiness : Strengths at work don't always coincide with what makes you happy. It's important to recognize this difference to choose the right path.

• Here are some suggested questions to help you discover your strengths :

  • Are you most productive when working alone, with a colleague, or in a large team?

  • Do you prefer being given specific tasks, or are you more interested in leading and taking initiative in your own projects?

Understanding your strengths not only helps you choose the right career, but also helps you gradually realize what you truly want in life.

Step 2: List your passions

• Identify what truly interests you : Not everyone can turn their passion into a fulfilling career, but most of us can find ways to connect our personal interests with our work to some degree.

• Find the intersection between your passion and career : Write down the activities or fields that you are particularly interested in. From there, you can consider choosing a career path that allows you to both develop your career and nurture your passion.

• Try using tools : Nowadays, there are many online tests and tools that help suggest jobs that match your interests and personality. This can be a helpful starting point if you're struggling to figure out which career path suits you best.

Understanding your passions and interests is a key to discovering what you truly want in life.

Step 3: Visualize your ideal work schedule.

• Determine your work style : Not everyone is suited to the fixed 9-5 office schedule. If you prefer freedom and want to work at your own pace and time, freelance or contract work might be right for you.

• Understand yourself : Conversely, if you are easily distracted and have difficulty maintaining discipline, freelance work can become a "trap." You will need a stable environment with a clear schedule to thrive.

• Advantages and disadvantages :

  • Freelancing offers flexibility and freedom in choosing work environment and hours, but lacks stability and often doesn't include benefits.

  • Fixed office jobs : regular, offer benefits and security, but have little change and can easily become repetitive.

By visualizing your ideal work schedule and comparing it to your habits, you'll gain a clearer understanding of the right career path, bringing you closer to the life you truly desire.

Step 4: Calculate the actual budget.

• Money isn't everything, but it's still important : It's true that you shouldn't choose a career solely for the salary, but you also can't stick with a job that keeps you struggling and doesn't provide enough for yourself and your family.

• Determine your necessary spending level : Calculate a basic budget to maintain a comfortable lifestyle. From there, you'll know how much minimum income you need to balance your expenses.

• Learn about average income : Look up the average salaries for the professions you're interested in. This will help you realistically assess whether the career path you want to pursue will meet your financial needs.

• Consider investing in yourself : If your dream job requires additional qualifications, skills, or training, factor these costs into your plan to avoid being caught off guard.

Budgeting and income forecasting not only help you make informed career choices, but also maintain a balance between passion and financial stability .

Step 5: Don't be afraid to change careers.

• Escape from a stagnant job : If you're stuck in a boring, exhausting job, it's natural to dream of a more fulfilling career. However, many people are hesitant to change due to concerns about time, ego, or financial stability.

• Prioritize career satisfaction : Put job satisfaction first. Because only when you are truly happy with what you do can you live up to your own values.

• Preparing for a turning point :

  • Start saving as early as possible to build up an emergency fund.

  • Accept that when changing careers, you may have to start in a lower position with a lower salary, and then gradually rebuild your career.

Don't let fear hold you back. Daring to change careers is one of the crucial steps in discovering what you truly want in life.

Part 3: Want a happy relationship? Start by understanding yourself.

Step 1: Identify the core values ​​in the relationship.

• Write down your unchangeable beliefs and viewpoints : This is a crucial foundation if you want a long-term relationship with someone. When you both share common values, the relationship will be more sustainable.

• Some examples of core values :

  • Do you want a large family or do you not want children?

  • Perspectives on how to raise children.

  • Religious belief.

  • Attitudes toward marriage and divorce.

  • Ways to resolve conflicts.

Identifying and being honest about your core values ​​will help you better understand what you want in love and relationships, avoiding making unsuitable choices from the start.

Step 2: Identify the important qualities in a life partner.

• The reality of the selection process : No one is perfect enough to be a 100% match for your "dream person" list. Therefore, focus on the qualities that are truly important and indispensable.

• Top 5 priorities : Write them down and rank them in order of priority. Some examples could be:

  • Sense of humor.

  • Good-looking and attractive.

  • Shared interests in music or leisure activities.

  • Attitudes toward participating in outdoor activities.

  • Financial stability.

When you clearly identify these five core qualities , it will be easier for you to choose the right relationship, instead of chasing after superficial or unsustainable criteria.

Step 3: Learn to be happy with yourself.

• Happiness begins within yourself : No matter how wonderful your life partner is, you will hardly feel complete if you are not happy yourself.

• Become the best version of yourself : When you learn to appreciate, love, and improve yourself, you will have a clearer perspective on what you truly need in a relationship.

• Self-happiness is the foundation : Only when you are happy with yourself can you build and maintain a lasting, healthy relationship.

Learning to be happy with yourself not only helps you live more comfortably, but it's also key to knowing what you truly want in love and life.

Step 4: Don't be too rigid with the list of criteria.

• The list is just a guideline : Writing down what you want in a relationship is helpful, but don't let it become a "wall" preventing you from connecting with people who aren't a perfect match.

• No one is absolutely perfect : You'll find it hard to find someone who perfectly meets every criterion on the list. What's more important is connection, comfort, and genuine affection when you're together.

• Open your heart to new experiences : Give yourself the chance to get to know people who may be different from your "ideal type," because sometimes it is the differences that lead to unexpected and meaningful relationships.

Don't confine yourself to a list . Let your heart and genuine connection guide you to the right relationship.

Part 4: Do you really want to have children? 4 questions to help you make the right decision.

Question 1: Determine whether or not you want to have children.

• There's no right or wrong : Some people know from a young age that they want to be parents, others don't. That's perfectly normal. Don't let family, friends, or society pressure you into making a choice that isn't right for you.

• Ask yourself :

  • Do you truly have a desire to be a parent? (Both men and women may or may not have this "calling").

  • Do you have the financial means to raise children? For example, according to estimates from 2014, the cost of raising a child to adulthood was approximately $245,000 – a considerable sum.

  • Do you understand the reality of raising children? Besides the joy and pride, parenthood also means great responsibility: protecting, educating, nurturing, and accepting many challenges such as tantrums, high costs, and mental stress.

• Flexible options for women : With current technology, women can freeze their eggs during their prime reproductive years. This helps preserve the opportunity to become mothers in the future if they are not ready to have children right now.

The decision of whether or not to have children is a personal choice ; only you know what truly suits your life and values.

Question 2: Decide on the desired family size.

• Listen to your instincts and reality : Some people always feel they want a large family, while others prefer a smaller one. However, in addition to emotions, you need to consider financial and time factors.

• Child-rearing costs : On average, each child requires approximately $245,000 to raise until age 18 (as estimated in 2014). The more children, the greater the financial burden.

• Time and attention :

  • A child will receive the most care from their parents.

  • When you have more children, your attention becomes divided. Are you prepared to dedicate time to taking them to extracurricular activities, helping with homework, and listening to each child's daily concerns?

• Sibling friendship: Having more children means less parental attention, but in return, children will have siblings to play with and support each other through difficult times.

• Interesting fact : When you have three or more children, you're "overwhelmed." With two children, each parent can take care of one. But with three, there will always be one child "running free."

Deciding on the number of children should be based on personal preferences, financial capabilities, and the amount of time you can actually dedicate to your family.

Question 3: Consider whether to be a working parent or a stay-at-home parent.

• Breaking free from traditional stereotypes : In the past, men were typically the primary breadwinners, while women stayed home to care for the children. Today, both men and women have the right to choose the role that best suits them.

• Childcare costs : In many places, childcare fees are so high that income from work doesn't cover them. Do the math to see if going to work is really "worth it."

• Questions to ask yourself :

  • Would you be comfortable having someone else spend a significant amount of time raising your children, even if you trust them?

  • Do you want to witness all of your child's developmental milestones, or will work cause you to miss them?

  • Does staying home all day with your children make you feel constrained, or like you're just "a parent"?

  • Does staying at home mean you're missing out on opportunities to pursue your passions or the work you love?

The decision of whether to be a working parent or a stay-at-home parent depends on balancing finances, personal happiness, and the desire to provide for the family.

Question 4: Ask yourself what kind of parent you want to be.

• There's no absolute right or wrong : For thousands of years, people have been raising children without needing guidebooks. The important thing is to choose a parenting style that suits you best, one that makes you feel happiest and most comfortable.

• Explore different parenting styles : Research various styles to get an idea of ​​how you want to guide your child's development.

• Here are some suggested questions :

  • Do you want to be a close parent, guiding your child through every decision and activity, or let them freely experience and learn from their mistakes?

  • How do you want to be involved in your child's learning? Checking homework every night, assigning extra assignments, or letting the teacher take the main responsibility?

  • When your child makes a mistake, do you want to be a "coach" helping them learn from their experience, or a strict "referee" disciplining them?

  • In terms of priorities, do you put your children first, or do you strive for a balance with your marriage and personal happiness?

Identifying your parenting style early on will help you build a healthy family environment while maintaining a balance between loving your children, your marriage, and your own happiness.

References

1. https://www.forbes.com/sites/jasonnazar/2013/09/05/35-questions-that-will-change-your-life/
2. https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/meditation/in-depth/meditation/art-20045858
3. https://www.iseek.org/mymncareers/advance-career/your-interests.html
4. https://www.payscale.com/research/US/Country=United_States/Salary
5. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2012/11/06/why-you-resist-career-change-so-fiercely/

Translated by: Lesley Collins Tran .