Learning to be a good parent: 4 ways to raise well-behaved and happy children.

Parenthood is one of the most meaningful and fulfilling experiences in life, but it's also incredibly challenging. No matter your child's age, the parenting journey never ends. To be a good parent , you need to balance showing love and helping your child understand the boundaries between right and wrong.

Even when faced with difficulties, persevere in creating a loving environment where your children can grow into confident, independent, and caring individuals. This is the foundation for nurturing a happy, resilient, and mature generation.

How to be a good parent: The basics

• Listen and care: Pay attention to your child's needs, feelings, and thoughts. This helps children feel loved and understood.

• Respect your child's individuality: Allow them to develop in their own way, encourage independence, and help them make age-appropriate decisions.

• Turn challenges into lessons: Help your child see success and failure as opportunities to learn and grow.

• Love, but with limits: Show affection often, but parents also need to take time for self-care to maintain energy and a positive spirit.

• Patience and support: Raising children is a long journey, so always be patient and support your child every step of the way as they grow.

Method 1: Secrets to building a loving environment for children

Tip 1: How to show love to your child

• Show affection regularly: Hugging your child, kissing them on the cheek, giving them a tight hug, or even just a warm pat on the shoulder can help them feel cared for and encouraged.

• Say "I love you" every day: Even when you're frustrated, still tell your child that you love them. These words help children feel safe, valued, and loved.

• Building emotional connections: Creating close relationships, both physically and mentally, helps children develop self-confidence, happiness, and a lasting bond with their parents.

Tip 2: Love your child unconditionally.

• Accept your child for who they are: Don't force your child to become the person you want them to be in order to receive your love. Let them know that you love them no matter what.

• Respect individual interests and personalities: If you want your child to excel in sports but they don't enjoy it, encourage them to find activities that suit their interests.

• Avoid comparisons or pressure: Don't make your child feel guilty or pressured just because they need time to adjust, even if you're an extrovert.

• Building self-confidence: When children feel unconditional love, they will dare to express themselves and develop their own abilities and interests naturally.

Tip 3: Prioritize experiences over toys.

• Experiences create lasting memories: Toys only provide short-term entertainment, but experiences shared with parents help children feel genuine love and care.

• Spend quality time with your children: Going to the park, eating ice cream together, or simply lying on the floor reading a book are all ways to bond and create memorable moments.

• Creating emotional connections: Simple yet meaningful moments help children feel safer, happier, and more connected to their parents than any material object.

Tip 4: Praise your child to build self-confidence.

• Acknowledge your child's achievements: When your child does something good, let them know that you've noticed and are proud of them. This helps children feel confident and encourages independence.

• Give specific praise, not general praise: Instead of saying "Well done!", say: "It was great that you shared turns with your sibling" or "Thank you for tidying up your toys!".

• Praise effort over natural talent: Focusing on action and effort helps children learn to appreciate hard work and dare to challenge themselves.

• Praise more than criticism: While it's important to point out mistakes, focusing too much on errors can make children more prone to resistance in their pursuit of attention. Frequent praise helps children build a positive self-image.

Tip 5: Avoid comparing your child to others.

• Respect each child's individuality: Every child is unique, so cherish and praise their special qualities instead of comparing them to others.

• Encourage setting individual goals: Help your child learn how to set and achieve goals in their own way, thereby developing self-confidence and independence.

• Avoid comparing siblings: Comparisons can create unhealthy competition. Foster love and cooperation among your children.

• Fairness and impartiality: When children argue, maintain a fair and impartial attitude to build a harmonious and lasting family environment.

Tip 6: Listen to your child to build effective communication.

• Give your full attention: When your child is talking, stop everything else and listen. This helps children feel respected and safe sharing.

• Get involved in your child's life: Show your interest by asking about their school day, hobbies, or things they're interested in. This encourages children to open up more.

• Active listening: Look your child in the eye, nod, and say things like "I understand," or "Go on," to let them know you're paying attention and empathizing. When responding, summarize their point before giving your opinion, for example: "You're saying this week's chore list isn't fair, right?"

• Dedicate some time to yourself each day: This could be before bed, at breakfast, or during a walk after school. Keep this time to yourself, without checking your phone or getting distracted.

• Initiate simple conversations: For example, at dinner, you could ask your child about what they learned at school that day to start a conversation.

Tip 7: Spend individual time with each child.

• Make them feel important: Every child needs to feel special to their parents. Set aside some quality time to do something fun together, like going for a walk, having a snack, or playing with building blocks.

• Give your full attention: While you're together, talk, listen, and participate in your child's activities, helping them feel genuine care and attention.

• Balance your children's time: If you have multiple children, divide their time equally, but they don't necessarily have to do the same activities—for example, one child might like roller skating, another might prefer going to the library.

• Involve your child in their learning: Attend school activities, help with homework, monitor grades, or join parent-teacher associations to support your child's education.

• Avoid coercion: Spend quality time with your child but still allow them personal space. This way, children will see time with their parents as special, not something they are forced to do.

• Actual results: According to a survey of 993 readers, 50% believe that building a healthy relationship with their children is most effective through spending quality time and having meaningful conversations .

Tip 8: Respect your child's privacy to build trust.

• Maintain personal space: Let your child feel that their room is a safe place, free from snooping or having their diary read. This helps children learn to respect their own space and that of others.

• Encourage stability and trust: When children know their privacy is respected, the parent-child relationship becomes stronger.

• Accepting personal secrets: Recognizing that children may keep secrets, especially as they grow older, is normal.

• Open the door for your child to share: Maintain an "open door" policy so your child knows they can always come to you when they need help or advice.

Tip 9: Be present at your child's important milestones.

• Prioritize special moments: Even if you're busy, try to attend your child's important events, from birthdays and performances to graduations. These are memories your child will cherish forever, while others may forget.

• Show your care when you're absent: If you can't be there, apologize and make up for it by creating another special occasion, such as their favorite dinner or dessert.

• Emphasize the value of quality time with your child: Children grow quickly and soon have their own lives, so being present during important moments helps build lasting memories and emotional bonds between parents and children.

Method 2: Positive Discipline: The Secret to Raising Children Without Yelling

Tip 1: Set reasonable rules and clear consequences.

• Establish appropriate rules: Create a list of family rules that will help your child develop happiness and responsibility. The rules should be age-appropriate.

• Set clear consequences: When a child misbehaves, apply reasonable consequences. For example, young children are not allowed to go out alone, and violations will result in them being confined to the house; older children need to help with chores, and failure to complete them may result in restricted screen time.

• Listen but retain parental authority: Consider your child's opinions on rules, but ultimately, you are the one who sets the limits. Children need boundaries to learn to respect social norms as they grow up.

• Avoid overly harsh punishments: Never use physical violence. Instead, guide and explain to children so they can learn from their mistakes and develop positive behavior.

Tip 2: Stick to the rules

• Enforce rules consistently: While it may be difficult at times, always apply the same rules so that children understand clear boundaries.

• Avoid giving in to anger: If your child is whining or demanding an exception, don't change the rule. This will make the child think that rules can be broken.

• Helping children understand responsibility: When rules are upheld, children learn to follow them and develop a sense of self-discipline, knowing the difference between right and wrong.

Tip 3: Control your emotions when teaching your children.

• Stay calm: Try to maintain a calm and rational attitude when your child misbehaves, even if it frustrates you.

• Pause when necessary: ​​If you feel like you're about to lose your temper, ask permission to leave for a moment or let your child know you're feeling upset.

• Admit your mistakes when you're wrong: If you lose your temper or say something inappropriate, apologize to your child. This teaches children to admit their mistakes and correct them, and more importantly, to avoid appearing perfect.

• Setting an example of emotional control: When parents handle their own emotions properly, children learn to manage their own emotions, helping to develop self-control and calmness.

Tip 4: Agree on parenting methods with your partner.

• Demonstrate unity: When raising children with others, let them see that both of you agree on "yes" or "no" decisions.

• Avoid being exploited by children: If children realize their parents are often in conflict, they may use this method to get what they want.

• Collaborative problem-solving: You don't need to completely agree on everything, but work together to find solutions related to your child instead of opposing each other.

• Avoid arguing in front of your children: Arguing in front of children can make them feel insecure. Instead, express your differing viewpoints peacefully and respectfully.

Tip 5: Create a disciplined daily routine to keep your family tidy.

• Maintaining order and routine: Children need to feel a sense of stability and logic in family life to feel safe and happy.

• Establish a fixed schedule: Define bedtime, wake-up time, mealtimes, and time for studying and playing to help children develop healthy habits.

• Self-care: Maintain personal hygiene such as bathing and brushing teeth, and teach children to do the same to develop good habits.

• Regular task assignment: Assigning chores or household tasks according to a schedule helps children learn responsibility and discipline.

Tip 6: Criticize the behavior, not the child.

• Focus on behavior, not judgment: When your child makes a mistake, point out the wrong behavior, but still make sure they know you love and care about them.

• For example: Instead of saying "You're terrible!", say: "Calling your sister by bad names is hurtful; you should apologize to Anna."

• Firm but gentle: When correcting mistakes, be serious but avoid anger or harsh words.

• Private reminders: If a child misbehaves in public, remind them privately to avoid embarrassing them and maintain respect.

Tip 7: Don't set your expectations too high for your child.

• Encourage effort, not perfection pressure: Don't force children to get perfect scores or be the best at everything. Instead, encourage good study habits, a healthy sporting spirit, and striving according to their abilities.

• Avoid putting pressure on your children: When parents only expect their children to achieve the best results, children may feel they are never good enough and are more likely to rebel or lose motivation.

• Be clear about your request: Give specific instructions instead of vague ones. For example, "Put on your shoes," instead of "We're about to leave, why aren't you wearing your shoes yet?"

Method 3: Raising children with good character from a young age.

Tip 1: Teach children independence and the ability to make their own decisions.

• Encourage individuality and independence: Teach children that being different is normal and that they don't need to conform to the crowd. Teach them right from wrong from a young age and let them make their own decisions.

• Give children choices: For young children, you can offer 2–3 outfits to choose from or let them choose between a few snacks.

• Empower your child as they grow: Let them choose extracurricular activities and friends that suit them—as long as you feel the environment is safe and positive.

• Recognize that children are unique individuals: Children are not extensions of their parents or opportunities for parents to relive the past; let them develop themselves in their own way.

Tip 2: Be a good role model for your children.

• Action before teaching: If you want your child to behave well, be a role model. You don't need to be perfect, but you should live up to your expectations of your child and be willing to admit your mistakes when you're wrong.

• Show kindness: To teach your children politeness and kindness, don't lose your temper in public. To teach compassion, take them to charity work and explain the reasons.

• Guidance through action: If you want your child to help with household chores, do them alongside them instead of just giving orders.

• Control digital habits: If you want your children to reduce their screen time, you should limit your own usage and set a good example.

Tip 3: Teach children politeness from an early age.

• Teach basic manners: Guide your child to say "Please," "Thank you," "Sorry," and practice waiting their turn and sharing with others.

• Social behavior guidance: Helping children learn how to behave appropriately in everyday communication and life situations.

• Set a good example for your children: The best way to teach good manners is for parents to practice these manners in their daily lives.

Tip 4: Encourage children to live healthy lives.

• Balanced diet: Provide healthy, varied foods including fruits and vegetables from a young age, and limit junk food and processed foods.

• Regular exercise: Encourage children to participate in sports or physical activities to train their bodies and develop healthy hobbies.

• Get enough sleep: Ensure your child gets adequate rest each day for optimal physical and mental development.

• Set a good example for your children: Parents should also maintain healthy eating and exercise habits so that their children can follow suit.

• Family activities: Plan activities that the whole family can participate in, which are both fun and help children develop healthy habits.

Tip 5: Let your child learn from their mistakes.

• Allow your child to experience the consequences: Don't rush to rescue them from every mistake. Children will learn valuable lessons when they face the results of their actions on their own.

• Appropriate intervention: Keep the child safe but hold them accountable within reasonable limits. For example, if they refuse to wear a coat, let them experience the cold but still carry it in case they change their mind.

• Don't say "I told you so": When your child realizes the lesson, let them draw their own conclusions instead of reminding or scolding them.

• Learning from experience: Allowing children to make mistakes helps them develop independence, critical thinking, and maturity.

Method 4: Secrets to parenting teenagers: understanding and closeness.

Tip 1: Teach your children to drink alcohol in moderation and responsibly.

• Speak early: Even when children are young, explain that they need to wait until they are of legal age to drink alcohol and why they have to wait.

• Be upfront with teenagers: Clearly explain the harmful effects of alcohol on the brain, body, and health.

• Encourage compliance with the law: Teach children to only drink when they are of legal drinking age.

• Safety is the priority: Emphasize not driving after drinking; let children know that if they are intoxicated, they can call their parents for a safe ride home.

• Developing responsible habits: Help children understand that drinking alcohol is a thoughtful choice, not a challenge or something to show off.

Tip 2: Talk openly with your child about sexuality.

• Answer questions calmly: When children are curious about sexuality, explain things calmly and without embarrassment. Avoiding the topic can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of guilt later in life.

• Early introduction: Teach children about their bodies and the correct names for body parts from a young age.

• Age-appropriate discussion: As children get older, talk about puberty, conception, contraception, and the impact of sex on relationships.

• Encourage healthy curiosity: Understand that children will be curious about their bodies, and answering their questions openly helps them develop accurate knowledge and a healthy attitude.

Tip 3: Always be there for your child until they reach adulthood.

• Love and care know no age limits: Whether your children are grown up or live far away, always let them know that you love them and are ready to support them.

• Maintain a strong relationship: With a solid emotional foundation, children will continue to seek your advice, regardless of their age.

• Listen and accept: As children grow, their communication styles and perspectives will change. Maintaining an open and respectful channel of communication helps build healthy boundaries within the family.

• Creating a happy and loving environment: A strong bond between parents and children helps children grow up confident, happy, and capable of maintaining positive relationships in life.

Practical advice for parents on raising successful children.

• Learn and gain confidence: Attend parenting classes at an adult education center to enhance your knowledge and confidence in your role as a parent.

• Trust your own judgment: Listen to advice from others, but ultimately, how you raise your children is your decision.

• Use connection as a reward: Instead of material things, reward your child with quality time, such as an extra hug or a few minutes of playtime.

• Be cautious in social interactions: Pay attention to the adults you introduce to your child to ensure a safe environment.

• Find balance and support: When feeling overwhelmed, ask for help and be gentle with yourself when things aren't perfect.

• Let children decide for themselves: Don't live your child's life; let them make choices and live their own lives.

• Reasonable discipline: Help children understand that bad behavior has consequences. Listen to your child but be firm; don't give in to every demand.

• Avoid overindulgence: Giving children too much can easily lead to stubbornness and irresponsibility.

• Praise appropriately: Focus on the child's effort rather than the final result, helping them learn to persevere and not become dependent on praise.

References

1. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/nine-steps.html
2. https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/everything-kids/science-says-gifts-of-experiences-are-more-meaningful-than/
3. https://childmind.org/guide/parents-guide-to-problem-behavior/
4. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150617104539.htm
   
5. https://epdf.pub/the-parent-you-want-to-be-who-you-are-matters-more-than-what-you-do-pdf-5ed608ac7daee.html
6. https://www.uvmhealth.org/pages/coronavirus/staying-healthy/missed-milestones.aspx
7. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/05/physical-discipline
8. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-wise-brain/201508/parent-the-same-page
9. https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/2018/06/01/the-importance-of-stability/
10. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/teen-depression.html
11. https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/baby-through-preschool-articles/teaching-children-manners/
12. https://www.cdc.gov/parents/children/healthy-children.html
13. https://opportunity-knocks.co.za/using-natural-and-logical-consequences/
14. https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/make-a-difference-child-alcohol
15. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/202001/when-and-how-talk-kids-about-sex

Translated by: Lesley Collins Tran .