How to help children be brave and confident: 7 tips to help kids love extracurriculars

Every year, many children miss out on learning opportunities simply because they feel shy, anxious, or lack confidence when entering a new environment. According to child development studies, regularly participating in extracurricular activities and new experiences significantly helps children improve their communication skills, problem-solving abilities, and self-confidence in life. However, many parents still struggle when their child constantly refuses to join classes, group games, or school activities.

If you are looking for ways to help children be bolder, help children be confident, or encourage children to participate in new activities, this article will provide simple but effective methods. Tiptory will share ways to motivate children according to their age, helping them overcome shyness, enthusiastically explore new experiences, and gradually develop self-confidence naturally and sustainably.

How to help children participate confidently

Understand what your child truly loves before starting

• To help your child be bolder in a new activity, first observe what they love. Some children enjoy physical activities, while others are interested in drawing, music, reading, or logic games.
• When an activity matches their interests and personality, children will feel more engaged, reduce shyness, and proactively participate.
• Avoid imposing adult desires, as this can cause children to lose motivation or develop a rebellious attitude.

Choose activities suitable for your child's personality

• Not all children are ready to participate in crowded activities from the start. Try various options to find a suitable environment.
• For shy children, it's best to start with small classes or groups so they feel safe and can easily integrate.
• For energetic children, encourage participation in sports, group games, or outdoor activities to develop their strengths.

Start with small-scale activities

• If your child is still timid, prioritize activities where parents or relatives can accompany them, such as parent-child classes or small group sessions.
• With a familiar person nearby, children will feel more confident and less anxious about a new environment.
• Once the child has adapted, you can gradually encourage them to participate in independent activities to enhance communication and integration skills.

Encourage children to persevere and try multiple times

• Don't quickly conclude that a child dislikes an activity after just one experience. Shyness or awkwardness during the first time is very common.
• Encourage your child to attend a few more sessions before deciding whether to continue. Once they are familiar with friends, teachers, and the environment, many children will feel more comfortable and excited.
• Persistent experience also helps build a child's confidence and develop adaptability to life's changes.

Acknowledge all of your child's efforts

• Instead of just praising children for achievements, acknowledge their efforts when they dare to participate or overcome their fears.
• Encouraging words like "You were very brave to try something new" or "Mom and Dad are very proud that you tried" will help children feel family support.
• Timely encouragement is an important motivation to encourage children to participate in activities, build self-confidence, and be ready to explore many new experiences in the future.

Part 1: How to encourage children to participate in group activities

Tip 1: Choose suitable activities for children

Prioritize activities that match your child's personality

• To help children be bolder and enthusiastic participants, first choose activities that match their personality rather than following trends or adult desires.
• Every child has unique strengths and interests. When in the right environment, children will feel more confident and easily maintain their long-term enjoyment.
• Take time to observe how your child plays, communicates, and reacts to new experiences to understand what truly suits them.

Use interests to spark motivation

• If your child loves music, art, reading, or building blocks, start with classes or clubs related to these areas.
• For active children, sports like football, swimming, martial arts, or cycling can help them develop physically and improve their ability to integrate.
• When activities are linked to interests, children will proactively participate instead of feeling forced.

Choose an environment suitable for communication skills

• Extroverted children often enjoy highly interactive activities like football, basketball, dance, or club meetings, where they have many opportunities to make friends and work in teams.
• Introverted or shy children may feel more comfortable starting with small-scale or less competitive activities, then gradually joining larger groups.
• Choosing the right environment will help encourage children to participate in activities naturally and reduce feelings of pressure.

Encourage children to explore new experiences

• If your child is curious and loves to explore, let them participate in outdoor activities like hiking, picnics, camping, or exploring nature with the family.
• Real-life experiences help children improve physical health, develop observation skills, increase adaptability, and nurture self-confidence.
• When children can explore and experience the world around them independently, they often overcome shyness and are ready to try new activities.

Adjust activities based on child's feedback

• Not every first choice will be suitable. After each activity, ask your child what they found interesting, what made them uncomfortable, and what they would like to try next.
• Listening to your child's opinions helps parents choose more suitable activities and makes children feel respected and empowered to make decisions.
• This is also an effective way to build a child's confidence, helping them form the habit of proactively participating and enjoying exploring new experiences.

Tip 2: Let children experience many activities

Encourage children to try many different activities

• Not all children know what they love from the start. Therefore, create opportunities for children to experience many different activities before making a long-term choice.
• Exposure to various environments helps parents understand their child's interests, talents, and personality, making it easier to find suitable activities.
• This is one of the effective ways to help children be bolder, increase self-confidence, and form the habit of proactively exploring new things.

Observe children's reactions after each experience

• Pay attention to whether the child is excited, focused, or bored when participating in each activity.
• For example, if a child is not interested in a yoga class but enjoys participating in or watching a football practice, it could be a sign that they are suited for team sports or competitive activities.
• Don't rely solely on the child's words, because emotions and attitudes during participation often reflect the level of enjoyment more accurately.

Don't force children to stick with unsuitable activities

• If a child has tried multiple times but still doesn't feel interested, don't hesitate to switch to another option instead of creating pressure to continue.
• The goal is to help children find activities that bring joy, confidence, and motivation for development, not to fulfill adult expectations.
• When chosen according to their interests, children will participate more actively and maintain engagement longer.

Encourage children of all ages to explore new things

• Experiencing many activities is not just for young children but also very beneficial for older children and teenagers.
• Encourage them to try new subjects, clubs, or extracurricular activities they haven't participated in before.
• This helps encourage children to participate in activities, broaden communication skills, increase adaptability, and build self-confidence in various environments.

Help children understand that it's never too late to start

• Let children know that every new experience is an opportunity to learn and develop themselves, regardless of their age.
• Instead of worrying about whether they are good or not, encourage children to focus on the joy, progress, and lessons learned after each participation.
• This positive mindset will help build a child's confidence, nurture a willingness to learn, and maintain an active lifestyle, benefiting both physical and mental health.

Tip 3: Let children get acquainted before participating

Let children observe the activity before directly participating

• If your child is shy or anxious about a new activity, don't rush to ask them to join immediately. Give them a chance to observe to understand how the activity will take place.
• Knowing the environment, organization, and participants beforehand will reduce the child's fear and make them more confident when it's their turn.
• This is a simple but very effective way to help children be bolder and reduce pressure when starting a new experience.

Help children get acquainted with the new environment step by step

• Many children need more time to adapt to the location, teachers, friends, and rules of an activity.
• Take your child to visit, observe a class or session before officially registering.
• Gradual exposure helps children feel more familiar with the environment, making it easier for them to integrate.

Use images and videos if direct visits are not possible

• If you can't bring your child to see it beforehand, find images or videos introducing the activity so they can visualize it better.
• You can also watch videos with your child and explain what will happen, such as how to play, what attire is needed, or the steps to participate.
• This helps children reduce anxiety about facing completely unfamiliar things.

Simulate experiences to increase confidence

• Before the day of participation, role-play or practice some simple situations related to the new activity with your child.
• For example, if your child is about to learn to swim, martial arts, or join a sports club, parents can teach them how to greet, queue, or get acquainted with basic equipment.
• This preparation helps children feel ready and significantly reduces shyness.

Encourage children after they've become familiar

• After observing or trying it out, ask your child what they found interesting and what still concerns them.
• Acknowledge every progress, even if it's just agreeing to watch or daring to enter a new environment. Positive encouragement will help encourage children to participate in activities and build long-term confidence.
• When children are well-prepared psychologically, they often integrate more easily, proactively participate, and enjoy new experiences more.

Tip 4: Start with small groups

Prioritize small-scale activities

• If a child is shy or lacks confidence, start with classes or groups that have fewer members instead of crowded environments.
• A smaller size helps children get to know teachers and friends more easily, while reducing the pressure of having to communicate or express themselves.
• This is an effective way to help children be more confident and gradually adapt to new activities.

Avoid creating immediate pressure with crowded activities

• Sports or clubs with too many participants can make shy children feel stressed and want to withdraw.
• Instead of immediately signing up for a large soccer team, parents can have their children participate in small group classes or basic instruction sessions.
• Once children are accustomed to the environment and have gained more confidence, transitioning to larger-scale activities will become easier.

Choose activities with an appropriate pace

• Some children feel more comfortable with activities that are slow-paced and not overly competitive.
• Yoga, art, music, chess classes, or individual sports are suitable choices for children to develop skills at their own pace.
• This helps children focus on learning and enjoying the experience rather than worrying about keeping up with others.

Gradually increase the challenge as children gain confidence

• Once children feel comfortable in a small group, gradually encourage them to participate in activities with more members or requiring higher coordination.
• Increasing the difficulty in stages helps children build confidence sustainably, avoiding feelings of overwhelm or disinterest.
• This is also a way to encourage children to participate in activities while ensuring they always feel safe and supported.

Respect each child's adaptation pace

• Each child has different integration abilities, so avoid comparing them to friends or siblings.
• Acknowledge every small step, from daring to attend the first class to actively chatting with new friends or enthusiastically participating in group activities.
• When respected and encouraged appropriately, children will gradually overcome shyness, build confidence, and be ready to explore more new experiences.

Tip 5: Encourage children to try again

Don't give up after the first time

• Many children feel anxious, overwhelmed, or lacking in confidence when participating in a new activity. Therefore, it's quite common for children to say "I don't like it" right after the first time.
• Instead of assuming the activity is not suitable, gently encourage the child to participate one or two more times to give them a chance to adapt to the new environment.
• After understanding how the activity works and getting to know everyone, many children will feel more comfortable and interested.

Help children overcome initial apprehension

• Explain that feeling nervous when trying something new is completely normal and can happen to anyone.
• Encourage children to focus on the experience rather than worrying about whether they'll do well.
• This approach helps children be more confident, reduces psychological pressure, and builds self-confidence when facing new challenges.

Encourage rather than coerce

• Encourage children to try again with a positive attitude, but do not pressure or force them if they are not ready.
• Listen to what makes them anxious and work together to find solutions, such as accompanying them to the first session or speaking with the teacher beforehand.
• When they feel understood and supported, children will be more open and willing to continue the experience.

Respect their decision if the activity isn't a good fit

• If, after several attempts, the child still doesn't find the activity engaging, parents should consider finding another activity that better suits their child's interests and personality.
• The goal is not to force children to pursue a specific activity, but to help them find an environment where they feel happy and can develop.
• Choosing correctly will help children maintain motivation and form a habit of participating in positive activities long-term.

Do not force a child to return if they had a negative experience

• If a child was injured, bullied, insulted, or experienced negative physical or mental effects during their first participation, they should not be forced to continue that activity.
• Take time to listen, reassure their feelings, and find a safer, friendlier environment together.
• Respecting a child's emotions will help build their confidence, create a sense of protection, and encourage them to try new, more suitable experiences in the future.

Tip 6: Accompany your child daily

Participate in activities with your child

• One of the most effective ways to help children be more confident is for parents to participate alongside them instead of just offering verbal encouragement.
• With a family member by their side, children will feel safe, reduce anxiety, and be more willing to try new activities.
• This is also an opportunity for parents to observe, support, and encourage their children promptly throughout the activity.

Lead by example

• Children often learn by observing and imitating adults. If parents maintain an active lifestyle and actively participate in activities, children also tend to form similar habits.
• Let children participate in age-appropriate activities such as walking, cycling, playing sports, or creative classes.
• When participating in activities becomes part of daily life, children will see it as natural rather than a mandatory task.

Choose activities that both parents and children enjoy

• If you want to foster creativity, parents can enroll in drawing, craft, or music classes designed for parents and children.
• If you want to increase physical activity, go cycling, swimming, play badminton, or stroll in the park with your child.
• These positive experiences will both encourage children to participate in activities and create many beautiful family memories.

Make activity a family habit

• Dedicate a fixed time each week for the whole family to participate in outdoor activities or healthy recreation.
• Simple choices like cycling, playing soccer, basketball, rollerblading, or going on a picnic help children develop physical fitness, communication skills, and collaboration abilities.
• When all family members participate, children will have more motivation and feel that physical activity is an enjoyable part of life.

Create a positive environment for children to build self-confidence

• Don't overemphasize achievement or results. Praise their effort, cooperative spirit, and positive attitude after each activity.
• Being accompanied and acknowledged by parents will help children build self-confidence, bravely explore new experiences, and maintain interest for a long time.
• This is an important foundation to build children's confidence, develop social skills, and form an active, healthy lifestyle.

Tip 7: Praise to boost children's confidence

Praise effort instead of just focusing on results

• To help children be more confident, acknowledge that they dared to participate in a new activity, even if the result wasn't as expected.
• Children need to feel that their efforts are valued by parents and adults. This helps them understand that failure or mistakes are a normal part of the learning process.
• Timely encouragement will motivate children to continue trying and not be afraid to challenge themselves again.

Show pride with simple actions

• A hug, a high-five, a smile, or a sincere compliment can all help children feel loved and acknowledged.
• After each class, game, or performance, take time to talk and share positive emotions with your child.
• Frequent encouragement will help build children's confidence and foster a spirit of daring to participate in new activities.

Focus on what children do well

• Instead of pointing out mistakes, start by highlighting what the child did well.
• For example, if a child performs with the school orchestra for the first time, you can praise their confidence on stage or their focus throughout the performance.
• When children see their progress being recognized, they will be more motivated to practice and develop their skills.

Use rewards appropriately

• Sometimes, a small reward can help encourage children to participate in activities, especially those who are less confident or not yet interested.
• Rewards don't need to be grand; they could be a favorite treat, extra playtime, or a weekend trip after the child achieves an agreed-upon goal.
• Rewards should be seen as recognition for effort, not a condition for children to only act when there's a benefit.

Help children build intrinsic motivation

• In the long run, guide children towards the joy of learning, exploring, and improving themselves rather than just expecting praise or rewards.
• Parents can ask children what makes them happy or proud after each activity to help them recognize the value of their efforts.
• When intrinsic motivation is developed, children will actively participate, persevere through challenges, and develop self-confidence sustainably.

Part 2: Tips to encourage older children and middle schoolers to be active

Tip 1: Let children try before committing

Let children experience before making a long-term commitment

• When you want to help children be more confident in participating in a new activity, don't rush to sign them up for long-term courses or buy a lot of equipment right away.
• Let them try it out for a few sessions or a short period to see if they genuinely enjoy it and if it's a good fit.
• This approach helps children feel comfortable and reduces the pressure of having to pursue an activity they might not be interested in.

Reduce psychological and financial pressure

• Renting or borrowing equipment, signing up for trial classes, or participating in free introductory sessions will help families save money if the child decides not to continue.
• At the same time, children won't feel guilty or pressured to stick with an activity just because the family has invested too much.
• A gentle start will help encourage children to participate in activities with a more open and natural mindset.

Listen to your child's wishes before deciding

• Instead of choosing based on adult assumptions, ask your child what activities they want to try and what excites them.
• Questions like "What do you like about this subject?" or "What do you want to learn this for?" will help parents understand their child's true motivations and interests.
• When involved in the selection process, children often take more responsibility and proactively commit to their chosen activity.

Respect each child's interests and abilities

• Not every activity parents deem suitable will bring joy to their child.
• Treat each experience as an opportunity for children to discover themselves, uncover interests, talents, and areas they wish to pursue.
• Respecting children's choices will help them feel heard and more confident in making decisions.

Commit long-term only when the child truly enjoys it

• After the trial period, assess with your child whether the activity brings joy, motivation, and a desire to continue.
• If the answer is yes, parents can invest time and money in long-term courses or necessary equipment.
• This step-by-step approach not only builds confidence in children but also helps them develop the habit of choosing based on interest and perseverance, rather than acting under pressure from others.

Tip 2: Help children understand the benefits of participation

Clearly explain why children should participate

• For older children and teenagers, asking them to participate in an activity will be more effective when they understand its purpose and benefits.
• Instead of just giving orders, take the time to explain why this activity is meaningful for their learning, skill development, and future.
• When they understand the real value, children will have more motivation and confidently participate.

Show children the long-term benefits

• Help children realize that every activity offers valuable experiences such as expanding relationships, improving communication skills, fostering teamwork, and enhancing problem-solving abilities.
• For older students, participating in clubs, extracurricular activities, or school projects also helps build their academic profiles and gain experience for future goals.
• When they see the long-term benefits instead of just immediate difficulties, children will find it easier to persevere.

Replace commands with dialogue

• Avoid using phrases like "You must do it because your parents said so" or "You can't quit halfway" without further explanation.
• Instead, talk to your child with respect, listen to their thoughts, and analyze the potential benefits and difficulties together.
• This communication style helps encourage children to participate in activities proactively rather than reluctantly.

Encourage children to keep their commitments

• If a child has joined a club, team, or project, explain that fulfilling commitments shows respect for teachers, friends, and themselves.
• Children will also learn responsibility, discipline, and perseverance in the face of challenges.
• These are important skills not only for academics but also for future work and life.

Help children make sound decisions independently

• After providing complete information, encourage children to consider the benefits and responsibilities before deciding whether to continue or change an activity.
• When involved in the decision-making process, children will feel respected and more responsible for their choices.
• This is also a way to build confidence in children, helping them develop independent thinking and weigh immediate emotions against long-term benefits.

Tip 3: Give children many ways to participate

Help children understand that participation is not just one way

• Many children hesitate to participate because they think they have to be very good or take on a prominent role to be considered contributing.
• Explain that every activity has many different ways to participate, suited to each child's abilities, personality, and confidence level.
• When they realize they have many choices, children will confidently participate and feel less pressure.

Encourage children to start with suitable roles

• If children are not ready to stand in front of a crowd or lead, let them start with simpler tasks.
• Taking on suitable roles will help children gain experience, increase confidence, and gradually be ready to take on greater responsibilities.
• This is an effective way to help children become bolder without making them feel overwhelmed.

Show children various forms of participation in learning

• In the classroom, participation is not just about frequently raising one's hand to speak.
• Children can also contribute by answering questions when invited, taking thorough notes, actively working in groups, sharing ideas, or helping classmates.
• When they understand that each way of participating has value, children will easily find a suitable form for themselves.

Expand choices in extracurricular activities

• If children don't enjoy competitive sports, that doesn't mean they can't participate in school activities.
• Parents can suggest other roles such as assisting with event organization, managing teams, joining art, science, media clubs, or volunteering.
• Choosing the right role will help encourage children to participate in activities according to their strengths and interests.

Gradually build children's confidence

• Encourage children to start with small tasks and gradually increase their level of participation as they feel more confident.
• Acknowledge all of their contributions, no matter how small, so they understand that the value of participation lies not in being prominent but in the willingness to contribute.
• This approach helps build children's confidence, develop communication skills, a sense of responsibility, and the ability to integrate into learning and life.

Tip 4: Leverage children's existing motivation

Find out what truly motivates children

• To help children confidently participate in a new activity, first find out what excites them about activities they already love.
• Talk to your child with questions like: "What do you like about this activity?", "What do you enjoy most?" or "What makes you want to continue?"
• When parents understand their child's motivation, they will find it easier to choose appropriate ways to encourage them instead of just making demands.

Identify the factors children love most

• Each child has their own reason for sticking with an activity. Some enjoy meeting friends, others like the feeling of overcoming challenges, and some love creativity or being recognized.
• Accurately identifying motivating factors will help parents understand what can encourage children in other areas.
• This is the foundation for encouraging children to participate in activities naturally and sustainably.

Apply that motivation to new activities

• After identifying what your child loves, find ways to incorporate that element into the activity you want them to try.
• For example, if your child enjoys sports because they get to meet friends, you can encourage them to join a book club with friends instead of reading alone.
• If your child likes the feeling of achieving goals, break down the new activity into small steps that are easy for them to complete and feel progress.

Make new activities more appealing

• You don't have to change your child's interests, but adjust your approach to make new activities closer to what they already love.
• For instance, children who love technology can learn a foreign language through apps, while those who enjoy drawing can take notes with illustrated diagrams or images.
• When an activity feels familiar and interesting, children will more easily accept and proactively participate.

Nurture motivation from children's interests

• Instead of using pressure or rewards to force them, help children realize that the skills and joy from their favorite activities can also appear in new experiences.
• This approach helps children feel like they are exploring, not being forced, and thus are willing to try various fields.
• This is an effective method to build confidence in children, develop adaptability, and maintain enthusiasm for learning over a long period.

Tip 5: Don't force children to participate at all costs

Respect children's interests and suitability

• Not all extracurricular activities are suitable for every child. Even if parents believe an activity will bring many benefits, children still need to feel interested to stick with it long-term.
• Provide opportunities for children to experience and explore, but also respect their feelings after they have given it a serious try.
• This is a way to help children confidently make choices and develop according to their abilities and interests.

Encourage but don't force

• Parents should encourage children to spend enough time getting acquainted with an activity before deciding whether to continue.
• However, if after several experiences the child still doesn't feel it's a good fit, consider finding another option instead of continuing to apply pressure.
• Proper encouragement will be much more effective than forcing or criticizing.

Understand that interest is what creates commitment

• When children truly love an activity, they will proactively practice, persevere through difficulties, and won't need much reminding.
• Conversely, if they participate only due to family pressure, children often get discouraged, lose motivation, and struggle to reach their full potential.
• Therefore, choosing the right interest is the foundation for encouraging children to participate in activities actively and long-term.

Avoid creating opposition

• Forcing children into an unsuitable activity can cause them to develop a rebellious mindset or lose interest in both the activity and their parents.
• Over time, this can affect a child's confidence, family relationships, and attitude towards learning new things.
• Instead of putting pressure on them, listen to why they don't want to continue and find a more suitable solution together.

Accompanying children to find their favorite activities

• The goal of extracurricular activities is not to participate a lot, but to help children develop skills, build confidence, and have positive experiences.
• Let's explore many different options with your child until you find activities that suit their personality, interests, and developmental goals.
• When respected and accompanied, children will develop self-confidence, actively explore themselves, and maintain their passion for learning and participating in new activities.

Part 3: How to help children confidently speak up and integrate in class?

Tip 1: Let your child accompany confident friends

Pair shy children with outgoing friends

• If you want to help your child be bolder, create opportunities for them to join friendly, approachable, and caring peers.
• Confident children often take the initiative to start conversations, guide, or invite others to participate, helping shy children quickly feel welcome.
• With a positive companion, children will feel less hesitant and integrate more easily into the group.

Start with small, friendly groups

• Instead of having children immediately join a large group, arrange for them to work in small groups with an open and supportive atmosphere.
• A less pressured environment helps children communicate easily, express their opinions boldly, and gradually build confidence.
• This is an effective way to encourage children to participate in activities without making them feel overwhelmed.

Prioritize children joining with familiar friends

• If possible, let your child join with classmates, neighbors, or acquaintances they already feel comfortable with.
• The presence of a familiar friend will help children feel more secure when entering a new environment and be willing to try new experiences.
• Once adapted, children will easily expand their relationships and make more friends.

Build a welcoming and respectful environment

• Parents, teachers, and instructors should encourage group members to actively greet, support, and create a sense of closeness with shy children.
• A friendly environment that respects differences will help children feel safe to communicate, ask questions, and participate in shared activities.
• This is an important factor in helping children develop social skills and increase their self-confidence.

Create a "companion" in the initial stages

• For children newly joining a class or club, having a companion in the first few days will help the adaptation process go more smoothly.
• This friend can guide the child on rules, introduce them to other friends, and support them when they are still unfamiliar.
• This approach contributes to building children's confidence, helping them quickly integrate, actively participate, and maintain interest in group activities.

Tip 2: Assign appropriate roles to children

Give children a specific role in the activity

• Many children hesitate to participate not because of lack of ability but because of anxiety about communicating or being the center of attention.
• Assign children a clear task so they know what to do and feel valued in the group.
• This is an effective way to help children be bolder, as they will focus on their responsibilities rather than worrying too much about how others perceive them.

Start with low-pressure tasks

• It's not necessary to assign children prominent roles right from the start. Let them handle simple tasks such as taking notes, timing, distributing materials, helping prepare equipment, or organizing groups.
• These tasks still provide opportunities for children to communicate and cooperate with everyone without the pressure of performing in front of a crowd.
• By successfully completing small roles, children will gradually gain confidence to take on more important tasks.

Encourage communication in a directed environment

• Interacting around a specific task is often much easier than asking children to initiate conversations or make friends.
• When children need to communicate to complete a task, conversations will happen naturally and help children gradually develop communication skills.
• This is a useful method to encourage children to participate in activities and reduce apprehension in social situations.

Gradually increase responsibility as children progress

• Once children are familiar with simple tasks, parents or teachers can assign more proactive roles such as coordinating small groups, presenting ideas, or assisting in guiding other children.
• Increasing responsibility in stages helps children develop confidence without feeling overwhelmed.
• Each small success will become motivation for children to continue challenging themselves.

Acknowledge children's contributions

• Praise children when they complete their assigned roles well, even if it's a small task.
• Being recognized helps children see that they can make positive contributions to the group and create value for others.
• Timely encouragement will build children's confidence, helping them communicate proactively, cooperate actively, and be willing to participate in more activities in the future.

Tip 3: Create responsibilities for children to be proactive

Involve children in team-oriented activities

• If children lack motivation or are less proactive, encourage them to participate in activities where each member has their own role and responsibilities.
• When they know that their contribution affects the overall outcome, children often have a greater sense of participation and effort.
• This is an effective way to help children be bolder, while also developing a sense of responsibility and teamwork skills.

Assign clear tasks to make children feel useful

• In group activities, assign children a specific task that suits their abilities.
• When they clearly understand their role, children will know what to do and feel more confident during participation.
• A clear task also helps children avoid feeling confused or left out in the group.

Help children understand the value of commitment

• Explain that when joining a group, everyone has the responsibility to complete their part of the work to support other members.
• Children will gradually realize that their efforts not only benefit themselves but also contribute to the success of the entire group.
• This helps to encourage children to participate in activities with a proactive spirit instead of just following instructions.

Create opportunities for children to cooperate with friends

• Group projects, team games, clubs, or volunteer activities are suitable environments for children to learn how to coordinate and share responsibilities.
• In class, teachers can divide groups and assign each student a specific task so that all members have the opportunity to contribute.
• When working together, children will develop communication skills, problem-solving abilities, and build positive relationships.

Acknowledge children's sense of responsibility

• Don't just praise children when they achieve good results; also acknowledge their punctuality, cooperative spirit, and completion of assigned tasks.
• These encouragements help children understand that responsibility and effort are always valued.
• Over time, this encouragement will build children's confidence, helping them to be more proactive in their studies, extracurricular activities, and future teamwork situations.

Tip 4: Try new activities with children

Accompany children in their first attempts

• If you see your child hesitating or anxious about participating in a new activity, proactively join them instead of just observing.
• The presence of parents or teachers helps children feel safe, reduces stress, and makes them willing to try.
• This is one of the effective ways to help children be bolder and more confident when facing new experiences.

Demonstrate to help children visualize

• Many children don't participate because they don't know where to start or are afraid of making mistakes.
• Demonstrate step-by-step, explain briefly, and let the child observe before doing it themselves.
• When they see adults succeed, children will believe they can do it too and be less hesitant.

Support when children need it, but don't do it for them

• During participation, be present to guide, encourage, and answer questions when children encounter difficulties.
• However, only provide necessary support so that children have the opportunity to do it themselves and experience the feeling of completing a task.
• This type of support helps children learn new skills and increases their self-confidence in their own abilities.

Turn activities into fun experiences

• Maintain a relaxed atmosphere, encourage children to explore instead of focusing too much on results.
• You can laugh, talk, and acknowledge small progress with your child throughout the process.
• When activities bring positive emotions, children will be more motivated to continue exploring and participating in activities in the future.

Encourage after each attempt

• After completing an activity, praise the child's courage and effort, even if the result isn't perfect.
• Emphasize that what's important is that the child dared to try and learned something new, rather than focusing only on achievement.
• Timely encouragement will build children's confidence, helping them be more proactive and ready to participate in many new activities in the future.

Part 4: Tips for dealing with tantrums and non-cooperation

Tip 1: Find out why children don't want to participate

Calmly identify the real reason

• When a child refuses to participate in an activity, don't immediately assume they are lazy or uncooperative. Take time to understand what is making them hesitate.
• The reasons could be that the child is shy, afraid of strangers, worried about not doing well, or not feeling comfortable in the new environment.
• Identifying the correct cause is the first step to helping children become more confident and choosing appropriate support.

Talk so children feel heard

• Ask children gentle questions such as: "What makes you not want to participate yet?", "Is there anything worrying you?", or "What do you need help with from your parents?".
• During the conversation, be patient and listen instead of interrupting, judging, or rushing to offer advice.
• When children feel their opinions are respected, they will open up and share their true feelings and thoughts.

Identify the barriers children are facing

• Some children hesitate to participate because they fear being judged, lack confidence, or have had unpleasant experiences such as being ridiculed, failing, or being bullied.
• Additionally, overly strict teachers, coaches, or activity organization methods can also make children lose interest.
• Understanding these difficulties will help parents and teachers find appropriate solutions to encourage children to participate in activities.

Reassure children so they feel safe to share

• Some children don't dare to express their thoughts for fear of being seen as weak or disappointing their parents.
• Affirm that all of their feelings are worth listening to and that your goal as parents is to help them feel happy and safe when participating in activities.
• Empathy and a non-judgmental attitude will help children trust you, making it easier for them to express their worries.

Find suitable solutions together with the child

• After understanding the cause, discuss ways to overcome it with the child instead of making decisions for them.
• Solutions could include switching to a different class, participating with friends, starting with a small group, or preparing more thoroughly before joining.
• When supported in the problem-solving process, children will develop confidence, learn how to overcome difficulties, and become more proactive when facing new experiences.

Tip 2: Listen to and validate children's emotions

Acknowledge children's emotions

• When children say they are anxious, shy, frustrated, or uncomfortable with a new activity, let them know that these feelings are completely normal.
• Instead of denying or downplaying their feelings, let them feel heard and understood.
• This is an important step to help children become more confident, as they will feel safer sharing their worries.

Avoid denying or judging emotions

• Do not say things like "There's nothing to be afraid of," "You're overthinking it," or "It's a small matter," as this can make children feel that their emotions are not respected.
• Instead, respond with empathy, such as: "I understand why you feel worried" or "If it's your first time, many kids feel the same way."
• When emotions are acknowledged, children are more receptive to guidance and encouragement.

Help children understand the cause of their anxiety

• After listening, gently ask what makes the child feel unready to participate.
• Perhaps the child fears making mistakes, is shy about making friends, worries about being ridiculed, or is unfamiliar with the teacher and new environment.
• Understanding the correct cause will help parents choose appropriate and effective ways to encourage children to participate in activities.

Suggest solutions instead of creating pressure

• Once you know what worries the child, work with them to find solutions, such as visiting the classroom beforehand, joining with a friend, or starting with small-scale activities.
• Let the child participate in the solution selection process so they feel respected and have a say.
• Accompanying them instead of forcing them will help children feel more confident when facing challenges.

Always let children know you'll be there to support them

• Reassure children that they don't have to overcome every difficulty alone and that parents or teachers are always ready to listen and help when needed.
• The presence and encouragement of adults will help children feel more secure when trying new things.
• With proper support, children will develop self-confidence, learn to manage their emotions, and proactively participate in new activities in both learning and life.

Tip 3: Arouse what children will love

Emphasize what interests children

• If children are hesitant about a new activity, talk about the exciting experiences they can gain instead of just focusing on benefits or achievements.
• Connect the activity to their interests, personality, and things they love to help them step out of their comfort zone confidently.
• When children can visualize the joy ahead, they will be more eager to participate.

Connect activities with children's interests

• Every child has different motivations. Some like making friends, some enjoy physical activity, exploring, or creating.
• Introduce the appealing aspects of the activity that align with what interests the child, such as opportunities to play with friends, learn new skills, or experience exciting things.
• This approach helps encourage children to participate in activities naturally, without feeling forced.

Help children visualize positive experiences

• Describe the fun moments children can experience, such as practicing with friends, playing games, completing challenges, or sharing success with the team.
• Visualizing positive experiences beforehand reduces anxiety about the unknown and increases anticipation for new activities.
• This is a simple yet effective method to motivate children.

Provide relatable examples

• If you want your child to join a sports team, you can talk about the joy of practicing with friends, overcoming challenges together, and celebrating after each session.
• If it's an art or science club, emphasize the opportunity to be creative, discover new things, and meet people with similar interests.
• Real-life examples will help children relate more easily and feel that the activity is more accessible.

Create motivation with positive emotions

• Use genuine encouragement and focus on fun experiences instead of pressuring them for results or achievements.
• When children sense enthusiasm from parents or teachers, they are often more open to new opportunities.
• Nurturing positive emotions will build children's confidence, helping them proactively explore, maintain interest, and participate in new activities long-term.

Tip 4: Let children rest before trying again

Give children time to rest after an experience

• If your child has just finished an activity or decided not to continue after trying it, don't rush to sign them up for a new one immediately.
• Give them a few weeks to rest, balance their emotions, and regain interest before starting another experience.
• This period helps children become more confident when facing new opportunities, instead of feeling constantly pressured.

Avoid creating pressure to participate immediately

• After an unexpected experience, many children may feel disappointed, lack confidence, or worry about failing again.
• If parents constantly ask children to try another activity immediately, children are likely to develop an avoidance or resistant mentality.
• A reasonable break will help children calmly reflect on the previous experience and be ready to start again with a more positive mindset.

Encourage children to think about what they want to try

• During the break, talk with children to let them share what they like, what didn't work for them, and what activities they want to explore in the future.
• You can research information together with the child, watch videos, or read about other activities to spark curiosity without creating pressure to decide immediately.
• This helps encourage children to participate in activities based on their own interest and choice.

Turn previous experiences into positive lessons

• Help children understand that stopping an activity doesn't mean failure, but rather indicates that the activity wasn't a good fit.
• Work with them to identify what they learned and acknowledge their courage in trying something new.
• This positive outlook will help children maintain their confidence and be ready to explore other opportunities.

Start again when the child is ready

• When you notice that the child is enthusiastic again, let them choose the next activity together instead of deciding for them.
• Starting with an activity that matches their interests and personality will help children integrate easily and maintain motivation long-term.
• Respecting a child's pace is an effective way to build children's confidence, helping them proactively participate and enjoy new experiences.

Tip 5: Be patient for children to gain more confidence

Respect each child's developmental pace

• Each child has a different personality and adaptability. Some children are ready to try new things immediately, while others need more time to feel safe and confident.
• Don't compare your child to siblings or friends, or expect them to change in a short time.
• Respecting their individual developmental pace is a crucial foundation for helping children become confident naturally and sustainably.

Patiently accompany them through each stage

• Instead of expecting children to quickly integrate, acknowledge every small step, such as daring to enter the classroom, proactively greeting others, or participating in a part of the activity.
• Small but consistent changes will help children build confidence over time.
• The patience of parents and teachers will create a sense of security for children to continue trying.

Maintain positive encouragement

• Regularly encourage children with sincere praise for their efforts, courage, and willingness to learn.
• Avoid putting pressure on them to achieve quick results or participate like other children.
• Timely encouragement will encourage children to participate in activities with a comfortable and positive mindset.

Let children discover what they love on their own

• Through these experiences, children will gradually discover which activities align with their interests, personality, and abilities.
• Once they find an area they love, children tend to actively participate, persevere in practice, and require less prompting from adults.
• This helps children develop intrinsic motivation, acting not just because of reminders or rewards.

Trust in the child's growth

• Self-confidence doesn't appear after a few attempts; it's built through many experiences, successes, and even setbacks.
• Continue to support, listen, and provide opportunities for children to try new things in a positive, safe, and appropriate environment.
• With proper support, children will gradually build self-confidence, develop communication skills, proactively explore themselves, and be ready to participate in new activities without much encouragement from adults.

Part 5: Is it normal for children to be shy or dislike crowds?

It's normal for children to refuse to participate in activities

• Children, like adults, may feel anxious when trying something new, meeting strangers, or entering an unfamiliar environment.
• Because they lack extensive life experience, children often find it hard to imagine the benefits of participation and tend to exaggerate what scares them.
• Therefore, a child's hesitation or refusal to participate in the initial stages is a completely natural reaction and not always a sign of a problem.

Understand the cause instead of rushing to judge

• When children don't want to participate, parents and teachers should seek to understand the reason instead of labeling them as "lazy," "shy," or "uncooperative."
• Perhaps the child is anxious about making friends, afraid of making mistakes, lacking confidence, or unfamiliar with the new environment.
• Understanding the true cause will help in choosing a more appropriate and effective way to help children become bolder.

Listen to and acknowledge the child's feelings

• Allow children to freely share what worries or scares them without judgment.
• When their feelings are heard and respected, children will feel safer to face new challenges.
• Adult empathy is the foundation that helps children build trust and increase self-confidence.

Encourage children to try step by step

• After listening, gently encourage the child to try participating instead of forcing them.
• Perhaps start with simple, short activities or have parents, teachers, or friends accompany them to help the child feel more secure.
• This approach helps encourage children to participate in activities naturally and reduces psychological pressure.

Acknowledge all of the child's efforts and progress

• Every time a child dares to try, even if it's a small step, it deserves encouragement and recognition.
• Words of praise, hugs, or appropriate rewards will help children feel that their efforts are valued.
• With continuous positive experiences, children will build self-confidence, actively participate in new activities, and gradually develop a spirit of readiness to explore in learning and life.

Appropriate preparation before starting

Choose age-appropriate activities for children

• When choosing new activities, prioritize programs that are suitable for the child's age, physical condition, and ability.
• An activity that is too difficult or beyond their capacity can quickly discourage children, make them lose confidence, or risk injury, especially with physical sports.
• Choosing correctly will help children participate confidently, feel like they can keep up with their peers, and enjoy the learning process.

Ensure children don't feel out of place

• Children are often more confident when learning and playing with friends of similar age, level, or skill.
• If the skill gap is too large, children may be hesitant to communicate, afraid of making mistakes, or unwilling to participate in group activities.
• A suitable environment will create conditions for children to develop skills and integrate naturally.

Prepare all necessary equipment before the participation day

• Have clothes, shoes, books, or any necessary equipment ready before the child starts a new activity.
• Thorough preparation helps children feel ready, reduces confusion, and limits unnecessary worries on the first day.
• This is also a way to encourage children to participate in activities with a more confident and proactive mindset.

Involve children in the preparation process

• Allow children to choose their backpack, water bottle, outfit, or arrange necessary items if appropriate for their age.
• Being involved in the preparation helps children feel like part of the plan and more responsible for the upcoming activity.
• At the same time, children will also be more excited and look forward to the new experience.

Help children approach activities with a comfortable mindset

• Before the participation day, talk to your child about what will happen and remind them that they don't need to do everything perfectly right from the start.
• Encourage children to focus on learning, having fun, and exploring instead of worrying too much about results.
• When prepared both physically and mentally, children will build self-confidence, adapt easily, and proactively participate in new activities.

References

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15. CASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning). CASEL Guide to Schoolwide Social and Emotional Learning. Chicago, IL: CASEL.
    

Content editor: Leigh Kennedy Ly.

Information consulted and verified by expert: Ava Anderson.